So what I'm realizing is that seeing someone and knowing what they're saying can be a turn off. Like, voice and what is being said ( ALONE ) can be like wow wow wow ok. But seeing their face and knowing that this real person is actually saying something like that, it just becomes weird and off putting. I guess things sound more genuine and not for the cringe when I can't see the person actively saying it. But when that person is already someone I like, that clearly doesn't matter COUGH COUGH LOKIKSDFAKD AHEM AMRIN AHCKHAKC COUGH COUGH. My point being that I really cannot look at people while they say something kind or affectionate otherwise it'll feel weird asf. It's like a reality check. Maybe I'm better at being attracted to one thing at once, not both, or it's just a reality check that it's really neither.
it sounds hot if i cant see you say it. liiikkeee. cmon now.
no but like omg bro. i literally hate that ddlg shi, so weird, just call me good girl. dont call be little girl, thats weird, dont call me baby girl, thats cringe, just call me good girl? dang, is that too much to ask for? man.
UGHHH WHAT AM I, A DOG? A FREAKING DOG? WHY AM I LIKE THIS, why.
no bcuz bro said. HE SAID, omg he- i simply cannot fathom how i could smile at a time like that, such animalistic behavior coming from myself, although humans are animalistic without need for something like that. the fact that i even have to use the bathroom is an example of that but slightly irrelevant.
Let's be professional. Isolate the proble- the main idea. I liked that. It's clear to see, I smiled. I legitimately smiled during that moment and that means I experienced some sort of brain hormone being released or something. Which indicates that I have a special liking, a preference, a want for that kind of position? Or maybe the dynamic. Or maybe I have a !*#[email protected] (?%&. Which, I could definitely see that, or the opposite in the form of %&$*#(@#)!, not the one with random name calling because that's just weird, emotional pain. I have such an ego or so much pride, I don't know, but I know that it's what keeps me from admitting the truth for fear of acknowledging something that isn't exactly positive or normal. I'm so vague, it's terrible but it's all I can do to preserve the little bit of dignity that I pretend to have.
i played it and i just cant. what have i become. was i always like this?
AND HE SEEMS LIKE THE TYPE THAT WOULD DO THE DISMISSIVE THING AND KEEP GOING AHHHHH and be like ikycdi, difm, baggacfm, p.. how. i. i cant go on like this, AND LIKE EVEN WHEN YOURE SLIIKE ICICICICICICI HED BE LIKE YCIBIYB AHTHISICANT.