Mundane Daily Life
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2021-10-22 15:52:29 (UTC)

22 October 2021

I started to have to have nightmare again recently. . . or that's how I called it. . my sister said it's not a nightmare if it doesn't make you anxious after waking up, etc. .
say, if I keep dreaming about being stalked, or being chased, or people were dying around me and their blood drenched me in some way. . is it not count as a nightmare ? I've been having those dreams almost everyday every now and then, I'm used to it. . doesn't mean it's not making me scared or tired every now and then. .
is it not a nightmare ? is it just an uncomfortable dreams ? is it normal to have that kind of dream every so often ?
two nights ago I vaguely remember dreaming about my ex again. . just because I accidentally met him last Sunday on some event. . it triggered uncomfortable feelings for me. . I knew soon or later I'm gonna have a dream about him again. .
the only part that I remember was. . he keeps telling me that I still like him even tho I tried my best to stay away from him, to avoid him in any way. . yet he's still forcing me, manhandling me around him as he please. . I scream and yell in fear, but nobody would help. . again and again it would happened, I cried to my best friend that was also inside that dream, but she couldn't do anything. . my ex grabbed me again, burned me with a boiling pot in front of this strangers around me. . I couldn't feel the pain in the dream, but the action still shock me enough to scream out loud. . still no one would help. . I desperately want to leave the place, even after everything that just happen. . everybody treat it like everything was normal. . why ?
last night, I dreamed about being an outcast in some kind of school event. . doesn't really bother me, since it was a reality for me, been there done that. . but then this mean girls, apparently doesn't like me being friends with my guys friends. . pulling at my clothes and my hairs, shoving me here and there, talking down on me. . and they just push me out of the rooftop. . I'm terrified of heights, I feel like crying. . I want to pass out but I couldn't. . I'm falling for what it feels like forever. . I just keep on expecting pain, or maybe I'm gonna die. . fear was all I could feel, I don't think I can breathe. . I don't think I have the strength to scream. . and those girls are just laughing at my terrified reaction. .
just because I don't wake up gasping in fear or drenched in sweat. . does it not count as a nightmare ? just because I'm used to having that kind of dreams. . it's no longer a nightmare ? is it even a nightmare in the first place ? is it normal to dream it. . everyday ?

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