The Covid Diaries
2021-10-18 23:19:59 (UTC)

Why is it ?

Why is it that men only want me for sex? I asked KD if, he liked me today. He said yes but for some reason, I couldn't believe him because when he came over for the first time the other day e was all touchy and not just cuddly. I guess he thought I meant that. And I haven't heard from him since he was at work around 11. I just feel so stupid to think guys want to be with me and wanna be with me long-term. Zavion broke up with me not too long ago because he was heading back to college and he said he couldn't do long-term relationships because he's always so busy. I don't know if, I wanna believe that either. And I let him come to my house and we even had sex too and then boom a few weeks later he saw me on the last day he was covid free and he had to go back out of town and now I'm just sad because I keep letting guys do me the way they do me. I guess Q is the perfect one for me. He answers my texts and calls. We even went to the fair also and he came to my birthday party. He found a way to my birthday party even though I thought he wasn't gonna come he did. He tried to kiss me that night we came back from the fair but I didn't know till he told me when we hugged.

Also, I didn't go to my therapy appointment like I was supposed to because my mother took forever and I wanted to talk to her but she said that we were gonna reschedule when I get back on Thursday. I was bummed that I couldn't go to my therapist but I kinda got better when I went to the fair with Q and we laughed and held hands and everything. It was nice I suppose.

I just don't wanna keep going through the same thing with these guys and with sex and thinking they want a relationship with me. I"m just single atm. I wonder how long that'll last. Marlon tried to speak to me still but I just keep ignoring him even though he said he's so-called "sorry". I don't wanna believe that bullshit. He should've been said sorry from the jump. He acts so differently around other people than theirs. He's an old man that just wants to fuck like every other guy that I've been with and have talked to. It's almost 7 and I still haven't heard from KD. I knew it just wasn't gonna work anyway. He just wanted to fuck and that's the end of that. Period.


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