My History Of Familial Incest
The Past Week
I think I realize at this point that I am not going to love HIM. I know I like him and am fond of him, but that crazy passion that should have been there from the start wasn't. We fell together looking for lust then figured out we had a lot in common and found each other's company desirable. I know I may not be giving it it's proper chance. Maybe in person I will find a man who can show me passion mixed with intimacy. I suspect however I will get much of the what I have now. It's not as if it is terrible. He is reliable and we can laugh together and sometimes we cum well together (though of late it's better for him than for me.) Last night I had to fake it again and I really hate that. Not only do I not get to orgasm but it's dishonest to him. We left it to late at night, I was already tired and it was a rushed job.
Other than that I feel alright. Last night I felt that sudden panic starting and I thought dammit here comes an attack, but I managed to get it under control and eventually fell asleep. It's getting colder and turning dark sooner and that leaves me a little disjointed. I don't know why exactly. Maybe because it signals the coming holidays.
I am functional, productive, and improving at the gym. All good things. Emotions of course well, they are the tricky bastards.