marielmia

Mariel is MIA
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2021-10-14 10:06:30 (UTC)

Doldrums of Summer

I was thinking about my title. It really isn't summer anymore, but it's still in the 80's here in the 305, so I'm going with what I feel. I've been a bit draggy of late. I'm sort of in that no where space between friendship and love interest. I'm dating a guy who is nice, but just not the love I am looking for. I have the urge to go out and do my funky shit, either with a random or a fb, but have resisted in the hopes pharma and I will blossom. I've given it plenty of time and I just think it's the friend zone for him. At what point to I owe it to him to tell him my feelings?

I did try to talk about it once but the look on his face just made me reconsider. We ended up in bed, him happy...me frustrated. I know it has to come out eventually. I'm just needy of companionship and a spark. I know that being in a relationship with a strong and powerful man cannot easily be duplicated, if ever, but it still holds me back. He called me to say he had a spot on Fox business, but i deliberately didn't watch. Score one for maturity, i 'spose.

My parents are good. Still asking about why Javier and I couldn't make a go of it again. I mean, i'm glad he's stable and has a job and all, but i can't see us as a thing for the long run. I do fantasize about him. A lot! Vanilla is just not my flavor.

So, the days are still hot. The sun still broils us down here. And my heart is just in the doldrums.

XOXO,
Mar


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