Life Without A Map
It's a New Day...
I didn't get to sleep till well after 4am this morning and right now it is only 9:15. I'm still tired...
But nonetheless it's a new day. Corey has an interview with Hot Topic at 1:30 this afternoon and I gotta talk to my old boss about getting my job back.
Bryan (my ex) said he talked to him and from what I can tell..it's a possibility if someone fucks up. I figure I will drop by and just see what's up. Maybe I can sweet talk my way back..
Or, part of me says that I should just start over new. Yeah it would be nice to see everyone again, but then again while I was gone, no one really reached out to see how I was doing. There were times that I could've used a friend, or at least a n ear to let me vent.
Anyways, it's a new day. I gotta pull it together.
Last night I stayed up and did Kelli's laundry.. I don't know why. I guess because I am not a heartless bitch. Everything smelled like dog piss, and I couldn't just let her deal with that when she is living in a shelter. I also wanted Kylee to have her things fresh and clean...so yeah. It's all done.
This morning I put a lot of her things on the porch.
I can't face her... I don't want to get caught in her guilt trips, or have my heart cater to her tears. I told her before that of she walked out on me again...I would be done and there would be no turning back. I'm standing my ground on it even though my heart is breaking.
I don't know why my heart feels that she is worth the time of day to worry about... All the lies, circular stories, drama, and just plane psycho behavior tells me that she isn't worth the time. But it still hurts.
But maybe it's not that... maybe it just hurts because I somehow feel that I failed in healing her pain, or at least helping her through it.
It's a new day...I'm not going to look back.