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2021-10-12 23:03:30 (UTC)

It is what it is

I have had anxiety for the past few days or more like symptoms of PTSD. Really, I have a pamphlet of psychological disorder diagnosis. I think they are all just on a continuum swaying between one another fucking doctors heads up. What I know is the DSM is full of shit. It is a great diagnostic tool to some degree but with more education I realize it is to some degree useless. Back in the day, psychologists primarily performed free analysis which did not help my condition. In fact, a majority of my life I thought there was some moral or personal failing on my part. Lol. Anyway, finally, after diagnosis after diagnosis failed to yield effective treatment ADHD was thrown out there. I was never able to keep my life together. I tried everyday and was so disappointed because no matter how hard I tried I wasn't able to read sentences thoroughly, remember appointments, get the kids to drop off everyday. I began to self medicate. I dove into an eating disorder for some type of release. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I could not understand how everybody was able to do what they could. It took me down a dark road. It did. While I still struggle with some emotional dysregulation particularly at now, I will one day get my got damn PhD.

I have watched my daughter who is eerily similar in "symptoms" as me. I recognize and want her to develop her own identity ect. What pisses me off though is they give her the same diagnosis as before the neuropsych eval. Ok, I can be live with that so long as my daughter is maintaining. Right now she is. I felt validated af today though!!!! The counselor who works with her on a weekly to semiweekly basis has disagreed with the dx. I knew with my hx and my family hx the family doctor would place her on medication for adhd. It is not my wish to have her medicated. Not at all unless it is necessary for her to live a fulfilled life. I was wrongly prescribed the same medications for fucking years. It is something I will fight and educate myself to help my daughter and others. It is ridiculous!