2021-10-11 16:35:35 (UTC)

I think I've finally slept ..

I think I've finally slept enough to recover from Saturday night.

Self-awareness, the thing I'm so very proud of having, is only the beginning. I need to put the work in to stop acting as crazy as I feel.

Funny how I'm only now actually starting self-DBT because I need to save face, or find a new scene entirely. I don't want to be That Bitch but That Bitch is a part of me nonetheless.
Wanting to hurt and control people. Him. Maybe I am so angry because he gave control over to me then took it back and I'm so hungry for it, unreasonably so.

N seemed concerned for me. He's seen the situation from both sides. I didn't talk to him though, even when I was doped up. I suppose I was selectively verbal or w/e at that point.

Not like we won't see each-other again... So. I wonder how much I can change myself in 2 weeks.

Currently at page 12 of 'The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Workbook.' Trying to just accept and let go the thoughts in my head of the work not being worth it and that I'm just stupid etc.

It's like, I'm fine. Until I'm not. There lies the rub.

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