Lost for words at times
My childhood friend (him) and childhood trauma
We was about 9 years old when my brother who is 1 year younger than me, used to hang out with him. He lived around the corner on the big hill. Our door numbers where even the same. We all went to the same primary school although l was a year above them.
First memory of him.. playing in the path fields, going up to the reservoir when we was all told not to by our parents. He built me a halebale house once, he told me that he'd buy me a real one when he was bigger. I'm sure we pissed off the farmer by doing this to his haybales, the following years l remember the round bales covered in black plastic being dotted around the fields. At first we thought they was alien eggs laid by aliens until my brother and him had the courage to go rip open the black plastic coverings on one of these things to discover, to our
amusement it was hay. Giant balls of hay, that meant he couldn't build me no more halebale houses. He also made me a rope swing. I swear that thing stayed up for years after it was last used.
My brother and him used to build alot of traps hoping to catch some wildlife. Whilst we was down the path fields one time we made a trap right by the stile that people walking there dogs used. Why we did it was beyond me but we did. We dug a hole made it all sludgy with water from the stream covered it with twigs and grass then waited in near by bushes for our pray to fall into. But oh no it was no animal that fell foul to us, but this poor unsuspecting man walking his dog that fell into our trap. We scarpered away pretty fast in hope he wouldn't catch us. We never knew who he was or if he got hurt, we never made a trap like that again.
I can remember alot of rabbits dying, so you'd see lot of dead ones laying about that l wanted my brother and him to bury. Come the finish there was too many of them for us to keep up with. His dad told us off as these poor rabbits died from myxomatosis. He said we'd get it and that scared us.
He used to keep snakes in his garden shed, just grass snakes and adders. (we are from the uk) I never went in there. One time whilst it was just me and him playing he pinned me down in the path fields and put a slow worm in my knickers. I screamed that loud his dad came running and gave him a good hiding. Ever since then i've hated snakes, slow worms infact anything reptilian.
I remember the time he gave me a backie on his new bike down the big hill, wtf! he had a bike that you had to peddle backwards to stop. Needless to say we came off my knees scrapped to hell, l still have the scars on one of my knees from that. So as you can imagine l was apprehensive about getting into his car 45 years later.
I remember also giving him my white socks, what was my mother thinking about making me wear white socks that would end up being red then i'd get a thrashing because she couldn't get them clean. So i'd give them to him to put in his pocket hence l got thrashed no more.
We didnt have things like pack lunches back then either. Money was short, we was out all day. We discovered berries, grasses and flowers we could chow down on. We even found some poor persons greenhouse that had yummy tomatos in. Plus we'd steal apples and plums from the local orchard till the farmer caught us. I think he ate too many tomatos because he hates them now with a passion.
There was also a mothers pride van that used to go around that sold bread cakes etc. We found out that he used to stay along time at this certain house and leave the back door to his van open, but only on fridays. So we always made sure we was in the right place at the right time. We never knew why he was in there so long but if the curtains in the front shut we knew we was ok for a while to grab our stuff and run. We was never greedy though.
I can remember when he tried kissing me one time. It was the first time l was kissed by a boy. I told him we wasn't supposed to be doing that as we'd have a baby. I thought that because my mother remarried and l can remember seeing her kiss him, next there was this baby l was 10 then.
I had horrible things done to me by my step father, he told me if l didn't do it he'd hurt my brother and l wasn't allowed to tell no one, because if l did they'd take me away from my mum.
I remember when my brother and my childhood friend and some other kids were in blue bell woods one day. We watched a young couple make love in the long grass. I tried to tell him, what my step father was doing to me. I don't think he understood at the time, but he remembered when l told him when we first got back together, what l had been through. He said he was only little and he couldn't do nothing to help me, he was even scared to tell his parents.
I later found out that he was sexually abusing my brother anyway. He also went on to sexually abuse his own daughter, our step sister. Thats all l have to say about that!
I can remember him, my childhood friend having long hair and liking this odd sounding nasty music at the time, Black Sabbath, Deep purple, motorhead, Because he liked odd stuff and looked different he was bullied alot. I hated the boys that bullied him. This one time a boy threw a rock at him and it spilt his head open, l remember screaming for help and a passer by took him home. I didn't see him much after that as l was in a bad road traffic accident, l got ran over and he thought l got killed. We went our seperate ways, l went to secondary school and our paths never much crossed.
Years later l went to my local pub and he was there playing in his band. I met his wife and daughter that was about 5/6 years ago. We had loads of pictures took by my friend. I still have those pictures to this day. I was so happy to see him. I was taken back when he told me he was happy to see me and that he had always thought about me. His wife told me, that my brother and l was mentioned alot when he was reminiscing about his childhood.
I think his wife overheard him say to me that he had always loved me and i'd always have a special place in his heart. When he said that, l walked away with my friend. I later found out that she had heard and that l didn't need to know what she said.
These where just a few adventures we shared together as children. We both believe his late wife sent him to find me. That fate brought us back together. Him trying to find me through my brother's friend's. Me being out that day, running past where we grew up thinking about him and at that same moment l recieved text from my brother asking if l wanted him to have my number.
I will always love him, trust him and together, we need to help heal the hurt of our past. And look forwards to our future.
Take care of you x