Jenni's Diary
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2021-10-08 13:53:08 (UTC)

To be or not to be?

So this guy I've been talking to asked me to be his girlfriend. I mean I have been wanting to date for a long while and he is a really great guy. I did wanted him to ask me to be his girlfriend but I don't feel as excited about it now that he asked. I did say yes. It feels like an out of body experience. Last night I was kind of triggered when he was holding me because it reminded me of THAT night in the past. I didn't want to say anything because it's not something I like to talk about. He took me on a walk when I went to his place and we sat at the fountain and that is when he gave me this cringy speech and asked me. Ugh if that is what a marriage proposal is like, I don't want it. After that, he wanted to hold my hand but I let go and said I had to look at my phone for a project so that I wouldn't have to hold his hand. I don't know why I feel like this. Intimacy is very uncomfortable for me. I don't like being touched. Like I said it feels like an out of body experience. I thought I would be more excited about this, starting a new relationship. I feel anxiety and discomfort and knots in my stomach. Usually, I would want to tell everyone I have a bf and brag about it. But I don't feel like that at all. Is there something wrong with me? Are we moving too fast? I feel so afraid.

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