CW: sexual assault
Being raped hit me deeper than I realised/wanted to admit. I got triggered yesterday, because I saw photos of someone that looked like him. That empty monster in the shape of a human. Taking on the phallic visual components of being tall and muscular and a big cock. Like an defective incubus who can't be bothered with the subtleties of seduction, although I certainly have met an incubus before, someone who shared a passing resemblance with those infamously sexy statutes of Lucifer. At least, his method was slightly different. Or perhaps I'd simply learned my lesson more quickly this time.
They are both so similar, in the end. Rapists, cutting, manipulative.
Feels shitty making a similar mistake twice.
I talked it through, holding a friend in mind. Imagined my head on his lap and talked through the events of that evening in the order they came back to me, the details and exactly what upset me. I finally cried about it. It's been a couple months, and I finally cried about it.
Maybe this line of work isn't for me. Or at least I need to change my method, be more planned-out and legitimate.
Yeah. Why don't I dig myself deeper away from "respectable" society? Keep being the a stupid tranny retard prostitute. What could possibly go wrong there? Fuck it all. I don't get to be human anymore.
But those skinwalking psychopaths do.
It's enough to twist you up completely, all tight and fucked-up and unrecognisable.
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