I don't feel the shame of ..
I don't feel the shame of being addicted anymore. I forget if I wrote this down before, but it seems important. I think I realised at some point during my last hypomanic(?) episode. I'm not proud of being addicted to anything, but it's not a sick secret. It's just an inconvenient, somewhat expensive disability that I stopped before and can stop again, and may have to again after that. That doesn't make me a lesser person in any way.
It's kinda sad thinking about all the guilt and shame I carried for so long, for absolutely no reason.
When I am free from guilt I feel strangely powerful.