If I die today
Thank you girls for being my friend. I recently saw an obituary of paul I'm sorry for your loss and dont know what to say its a shock to me. I'm assuming to you all as well. Wish I had words and courage to reach out. I hope you are able to cope and heal with this loss It seems like a tradegty.
I'm sorry for never fully valueing you and being an inconstant friends. I'm sorry I really wasnt a friend . hopefully before its all over Ill be able to really be a friend. You both have a lot of courage and boldness. Please pursue what God has given you. Be fiathful and be bold. Pray for wisdom rember god gives wisdom without reproach . Follow the LORD with your whole heart please. This world is hurtful and evil theres nothing I can do or say to really help you I imgine its pretty isolating at times. Confusing and iffrating. I hope you have endurance to continue strong and growing in faith and walkig with HIM. I admire your heart for thing that matter people. your willingness to pour into to people and giving of all you have like the lady with the 2small coins in the the story jesus told. Please forgive any and all of my offences to you including my harsh words and futile complaints. I am sorry. hope you prosper in great love .
and hope. In my passing you are welcome to be included in anything that remains and I would hope you would be accepted of those who are involved. Hopefully you'll never have to see or read this but if you do I hope there is some peace. I feel foolish and ashamed and like a betrayer exspecially with christina I was tutoring her and our time toghether did prosper a friendship that I dropped the ball on. I also wish I would have encouraged her in btter things a little more purity in my ways. I regret complaing about you and your proivsions and stupid foolish grievences that I had that are all irrevalnt now mainly just about my own selfish quirks habbits or weird beliefs. Possibly autsitic type problems. I am hoping for a divorce soon and I do not know your connection to my "husband" so I have a hard time sharing bc I am on ss-d now which heleps me survive but I still dont want him to know all or ever take adavate of me again. I have learned I am autstic which makes sence in some ways. I also have found out that a lot of crap i do and feel has been motivated by fear I'm a very timid person despite what I like to think or believe. I'm weak. So theres been a lot of things. this all doesnt justify or make anything right that I've done but I really wish I coud tell you. Anyhow writing these letters is sometimes akward and gets into like runon tangits or odd things so I think I'm at the point where this letter can stop for now. hope your doing well. I love you girls and I appreciate your friendship time efforts and provisions .
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