My History Of Familial Incest
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2021-10-06 22:06:00 (UTC)

Time Is Flying...

Hard to believe the end of 2021 is but a couple months away.
Gym was great today! I felt strong and left feeling good. That's how it is supposed to be.
My mood is mixed. I don't feel depressed at the moment, but a general frustration with my mom. Things going on really aren't her fault, but it doesn't mean I want to deal with them. I think damn this is just going to get harder as time goes on. Aging is such a process of going from good to okay to worse to the end. Along the way you just hope you get enough good moments as you possibly can. Her health is going downhill. I hate to see it.
Another disappointing masturbation session with HIM. I can't seem to get into it like I used to. He really enjoys my pleasure and orgasm and I feel like a heel for faking it but my body and mind aren't in sync. I can't just switch over to it like I used to. I need wooing or some sort of verbal foreplay at least. I hope that if I go through the process of meeting him (whenever COVID is over if ever) that in person there is a spark there. That it will all fall into place.
I don't want to lose my sexuality. I am scared of this. Hell, I am scared of a lot of things and I know I shouldn't be, but that one terrifies me. After the loss of the 'being a mom' status my sexuality is the only thing left.
As well, no sense in ending this entry negatively. It's been a decent day overall, but I am tired.