Live my life♥

And all that fuckery

2 days, all I had in my mind was abt V. I kept thinking of all ifs and buts, unanswered questions, missed him, craved for him, stalked him and my overthinking had no limits. It made me not onlys ad, depressed, choked but I felt a knot in my chest and nausea. I don't remember doing so ever. The thing had really affected me that how on the earth can he be at peace and am all ruined in all fucking ways. What am I suffering for god damit!
I shared this with R, he talked for 4 hrs and made me understand that even if i seek for answers, if & buts its not gonna make any sense. I agreed. He made me understood as a 3rd person that how V was in a pickle and played smartly even though he was a good man situation made him so. He told me it wasnt my mistake and and i should accept it and move out of this, try to find happiness instead. And i agreed to his every single word. But but deep down there in corber of my heart ill always have a glitch.
Am trying to think of all bad and negative abt V and forget him. I called him so many times just to talk but he never ever checked up on me. I always rooted him for his work, his dreams, his dream of buying a car and today he has it all but not me, am not there to see his happiness and be proud of him, i dnt even think that he remeber me in this all happiness. Am glad his career is stable now he is living at peace I always wished for that but what about me?? How long??? Whats next? 2 yrs my life has been stagnant. I my be dropping down but not rising. But ill soon. I still see him coming from a door, looking at me. I was all good suddenly all this came in my mind and am going crazy. But ill not let it affect my life. In all ways he wasnt good for me maybe. He has been so cruel that he never thought about me. This over powera his goodness. He sure has hurt me double times. All i want him to regret nothing much, no sorry no bad thing just a regret of losing me. I guess he has turned to a cruel rakhat man. He is all safe, happy and blessed. Did he even ever lovd me. Does he stalk me?? I dnt think. Does he think about how am I? I guess no. Definitely or else he wuld have asked nilu about me. I dont know I get a feeling of he will contact me once i know am stupid he will never but i have unblocked him i dnt he has even noticed.
RN I have no goal in life coz i have t start from scratch and luck is also not supporting me. But ill succeed. Ill shine, ill be genuinely happy.. my life will be good as I always dreamt of. Yuhoooo fuck you V.