If I die today
This is to crystal and k-holer.
Hey guys its been a long time Youve played a big part of the breakthru and grace that has lead me to my present life. I'm thankful f the past provisions. Krystal I would love to get to know more in person and wish her all the best. You both dont have any rights or need to be at my memmoiral or things but I want to acklowdege you. Its hard to not hold offence to kh-oler. He really crossed a line and I honestly feel like the "church" sorta had a field day with me as a baby christian back then. I'm sorry for my deciet and inmaturity. This does not mean he had the right to accuse me and constantly put me down nor treat any other person much less a woman in hurtful ways. I want you to know the times you accuse me of looking or not looking well now I know I have a diagnoise and I am autstic and I can agree with this on some level. For you to beat me down mentally and emotionally over things I told you I wasnt doing was very ungraceful and I hope that for the future you can find it in your heart to be gentlye with people. I'm also offended that you put your young son in the midst of our battle and I do care about that child and you are responible for putting him in tears as you told him I was leaving bc I didnt care for him. That was wrong. Please tell trey I'm sorry that I hurt him with my choices that were less than good that contributed to our falling out. Kholer I hope you learn and encounter the LORD in a deep or deeper way and that your heart would be soften and if you are a wolf may God take care of that. I'm sorry for the stumbling block I created. Your wife and child are a gift from GOd and I hope you honor them as such and if not please release them. I consider you abusive and decietful. Theres hope that you've grown aas I have. That growth and maturity would be the best case scenrro for everyone. I dont know what eslse to say but you hurt me with the accusations and I was casued great worry and fear of lack of resources while ccontriubiting to the household I couldnt afford it or didnt feel could. I have set in my heart what I think is right now and I'm not accpething the whole "working" b-s thing oh a man doesnt eat he doesnt work yes that is true but doesnt apply to me. Theres more to life andI'm choosing to live as a woman as God intended well i'm trying and im fighting feminism and all the female equality movements. While I do have provisions now since my disability I am at peace accepting I do have a signifant mental/emotional/socaial impairment. Ultimaly push come to shove thou God is the provider. Anyhow I'm not sure if you were right or wrong but you shouldnt have taken my food stamps . Also please look into a woman as God intneded and puruse that for krstal and encourage her in that this may mean big or little changes. God does provide and its okay for a woman to work as we call it but thats not the priorty. Anyhow sorry for giving you a lecture speech. Please forgive my offences toyou. You are not welcome (kholer) to continue any demonic or wicked activity in my life. I hope the best for you. I forgive you for the known and unknown or ununderstable offences to me. Krstal I'm sorry you had to endure the writing to your husband or whatever on this page first. Thank you for being a friend and having a heart with the best intention. you deserve to be loved and are a valueable woman. I'm glad you have your son and despirt medical issues he was born to you. Thank God for that and please embarsse him being a mother is one of the most important things this world needs. I admire your humitlity and your greatful thankful heart that you are able to enjoy and appreciatee the simple things. Please continue to embrasse the things that matter . I hope your in good health and that you are empowered with knowledge to care and prosper in good health. Please forgive any of my offencces to you and know that I hold nothing against you. I'm sorry for my deciet and greed/neediness and high standards with no cause. I dont hold you accounable for kholers actions or offences. I hope you are strong encouraged and have support to make th ebest choice for your life and for your sons sake in regaurds to your marraige. Be wise and walk in truth. God has great things in store for you and all things work for good for those who love him. No matter what todays trial is there is a purpose weather its health ,heartache or hardship theres a purpose all things work for good for those who love him. it may not be appernt now but one day. Thank you again for welcoming me into your life your home and offering your friendship and encourgemtn. I hope you are ok and thriving in goodness. Forgive me for not being faithful in our friendship and thank you for being you. I'm worried about your husband and you hopefully he is not the monster I assumed him to be while theres hope he changed i still carry doubt. Please walk boldy in truth. Anyhow I hope we are all healed from this sorta chatioc encounter we had that was bitter sweet and it did launch me to begin pursueing new life so thank you for that freedom. Thank you for the time and effort and privisions that you had in place to accomadat me.