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2021-09-27 08:35:37 (UTC)

I can't think

I can't so I have to write it down or it won't line up, these thoughts.
1. The work, the nap, the shower, the gnat.
2. I can't, won't get what I want, I want someone to call me he/they, but I don't know anyone that would.
3. I was going to read that manga but my brain is cluttered.
4. Don't cry, or eat. A ghost?
5. She was texting me but I'm to work. Play afterwards, time is never spent wisely.

my mom is such an amazingly potent source of stress, I'm amazed by how she does it guilt free. Just keep on dropping stuff on me, whether it's the realization of how much I dislike my family or 4 more assignments on top of my crumbling mental health, not that I know what that is.

There are certainly things to do, but there's this suffocating feeling in my chest, sickening. I would eat right now but I'm not hungry. It's like the air is colder. This would be the perfect time for a heart attack.
its all reflexive, thinking is making it worse, i cant escape from my thoughts
i feel like dying, sensory overload? i may be half deaf from that balloon popping last night
this is terrible, i need a break, i need something, i need help. my eyes are gonna throw up. i'll tell her. if after this class, after that nap, after that shower, after my hair, i still cant, i'll tell her but i know she wont care, measuring it up to nothing, and i'll continue like this, only realizing my inadequacy is the fault of my own.