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Scream Above the Sounds
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2021-09-24 19:33:19 (UTC)

Castle of Glass

I don't feel good. I had a really bad dream, and I just feel tired and depressed. I'm drinking with a friend tomorrow night, so that should help a bit. We will probably both get pissed and talk about how miserable our lives are and then watch the boxing. It will be interesting to see how AJ deals with Usyk. I need the distraction I guess. I don't know. I'm very irritable lately, and university dawning on me is only going to add to that. I don't even feel comfortable in my bedroom at the minute, I just feel like I need to break out, escape, do something. I'm spending too much time inside and on the computer and I don't know, I'm just feeling very unhappy. The loneliness I feel tonight is what I want I guess, to just shut everybody out and simply be. To turn all the lights out, appear offline on everything possible and listen to music that is so often associated with loss and sadness. I need to go to the shop before it closes. I should have done it earlier, but I've just been sitting here listening to music and playing a bit of FFXIV. I was invited to do some sort of karaoke night with friends tonight, but there is drama surrounding it and I am sadly at the centre of it all. I didn't do anything wrong or bad, but as it stands, I am a problem. It sounds emo, but it's just better for everybody if I don't go. I don't know what tonight holds for me. I'm currently levelling my Ninja in FFXIV but I'm feeling pretty meh.

I was thinking of maybe playing something on my PS4 or my Nintendo Switch tonight. I saw they were bringing Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask to the Switch, so I definitely want to relive my childhood there. I have so many games to play on my consoles. I bought loads about two Christmases ago that I still haven't even really scratched the surface with. Maybe this is a good opportunity to finally get into The Witcher 3. I think I need a disconnect from the online world. I spend too much time there. That being said, I really need to finish the FFXIV MSQ before the expansion comes out. I just feel like I need some sort of self-care day where I can try and recapture some of my childhood and just do the things I love. Before everything became so complicated. Before money issues, university worries, women, arguments, heartbreak, sex, stress, depression, you name it. So often as kids we dreamed of being older where we were free to make our own decisions and do the things we want to do, and I always feel like we were warned about it. It's not a good time. Friendships struggle and eventually shatter, relationship ended, university hot on my heels in another year filled with uncertainty. I can't even think about the future at this point. I'm just trying to make it to the end of the week.

Edd


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