nerd™

the anger games
2021-09-24 18:15:00 (UTC)

day 1677. I've been down since july

there was no sun today. i thought it was a good thing because the weather was very nice. it's been such a brutal summer that a 29°c feels like winter. it was nice until it wasn't.
sat in the balcony for an hour listening to evermore and my mood turned sour.
the summer heat might have been infuriating but winter won't be any better. seasonal depression is hitting full force and winter hasn't even started yet.
i thought about so many violent things in this one hour. i wished for so much death. some of it was for selfish reasons, some were just childish jealousy.
i thought about that girl who jumped from the 6th floor a few weeks ago. such a brave thing to do in a public place like that. i wish we had quiet abandoned areas here. the privacy would definitely give me courage to get it done in the method i want.
im also zero days clean again. remember last time when i said i couldn't find any release in it, just more pain? well i found it. turns out the pain is the release. i just wasn't numb enough last time. it's almost season for layers and long sleeves so that's good.
i sound like a dramatic angsty teenager but well what can you do. it's gonna be a long winter. i hope i don't make it out alive.




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