If I die today
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very unmotivated today. Fighting the battle of disfunction again todayand im sorta frustrated annoyed noone listens to me or understands when I say I cant do something. so today it was resealing the hotdog bags. once agin nDea asked why I never seal things up all the way. I snapped him I cant sheesh. so anyhow the deal with baggies is well I suck i cant aline them proper I purposey get the zipper slider bags. Anyhow its an odd disfunction but yes I suck at living its one of those functioning things I want to learn. to top it all off guess what I did yup I thought I needed something which yes I need zipper bags but of course me I went over I ordered some snap easy seal food storage containers which now I have to see how I can smuggle that in here. Anyhow I get this sensation every so often EVERYthing I do is wrong substandard and a lot of times I look at things and yeah I'm failing I'm screwed up. why cant I just be normal. anyhow bible study is tonight. Gotta figure out dinner and such I did one half ass exersice video today and a very causal stroll around 20min with the dog. just feeling crapy and emabarssed . i am mad/frustrated at nDea I dont want to be but when I say I cant do something or osmethings hard I really mean it and anyhow its a hard adjustment for me but I'm working on getting over it theres no reason for this and its a cycle I go in and I'm not doing it. intentions.. hmm well if I die today well I would want to maxumize whatmy parents recive to at least pay the most out that loan and help them budget in this phase they are going thru. otherwise idk physcially well right now I am not gassy thats a pleasent supirse. some sorta sinus ype problem thou and soo there was sex last night while it was agan not intence just loveing but anyhow the discomfort is minimal so I'm seeing some sorta healing. I'm hyped up on coffee since itll be what I consider late for study. Anyhow that about it