Scream Above the Sounds
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2021-09-22 01:49:10 (UTC)

Why Can't People Just Behave?

I noticed that M added a new song to the playlist I made for her. It's nice to know that she still listens to it, it's an absolute banger as well to be fair. Not that I would ever question her music taste, both our music tastes fucking rock. God, I miss her. It's been a comforting song in what has been a very stressful day for me. I must learn to control the controllable, because I'm driving myself insane with things that I can't change. I've felt like crying today because I guess I just feel that things are getting on top of me and I'm stressing about stuff I can't do anything about. I wish I knew how to let go.

I'm stressing about a friend who simply isn't taking care of himself well enough and doesn't seem to want any help. I know that sounds like it isn't my problem, and you're right. I just can't help the way I feel. I feel obligated to try and help him, even if sometimes he treats me like shit. It's a vicious circle. I need to distance myself. I need to learn control. I have my own happiness to manage and maintain, and I can barely do that. I'm also stressing about one of my best friends stag night, because the guy who is organising it couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. He's getting everything wrong and isn't thinking things through, and if he doesn't have things sorted by the weekend, I'm going to take things into my own hands to try and salvage this, because this guy who's getting married is an absolute diamond and deserves the best night ever, and I'll make sure to deliver that if this guy doesn't come through.

The day got crazier when our absolute bat-shit neighbours from across the road (who are notorious for getting into trouble) were at it again. This time the bloke decided to smash up his wife/girlfriend's car and was arrested. It might sound like a big deal, but it's honestly just another day in the office for them. Seeing a police car/van outside their house is a regular occurrence. They are toxic people. Both as bad as each other, and both have been at the police station countless times. To be fair, I wouldn't fuck with the guy. He's built like a brick shithouse and their relationship is absolutely based on drugs. The police knocked on our door tonight at 10:30pm to which my dad answered. My dad has cameras around the house, and he basically has the footage of this lunatic smashing the car up. The police asked for the footage and my dad declined. He doesn't see the point, this guy has been 'done' for numerous things over the years and the woman drops the charges every time and always has him back, AND it will incriminate my father and this guy will know where it's come from. And then he'll likely send some thug to come for my dad, or us generally. The police ensured my father would be safe, confidential and all that. But all they have to do is plant the seed in this blokes head of 'we have CCTV footage of you' and he's going to assume it's either our house or the house next door. Either way, my dad said no shot, and the police said they would come back tomorrow for another chat. Why can't people just fucking behave?

As for university, I didn't go to my induction, and according to my tutor I didn't miss any vital information so it's all good. I'm kinda glad I chose to sleep in because everything about the induction just sounded like a nightmare: the getting-to-know each other, the tour, I am just so uninterested in making friends. I just want to do what I need to do and get out of there. I sound miserable, emo and lonely and I suppose the truth is, I am.


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