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2021-09-20 11:50:30 (UTC)


pathetic. sincerely. i didnt beg me as the type of person to do stuff like that to 'fit in' quote on quote or whatever.
but maybe that crabing for socialing had gotten so strong that I had even resorted to making myself someone that people would want to talk to.
i genuinely dont even- no i definitely do care, but i also think its pathetic that i need to change, rather, that i feel the need to change.
what i want to take away from this is good music i haven't heard of before, and that none of those really matters.
i feel pathetic for being pissed. especially when i know im not even utilizin my time, so i cant even talk, i know whats more important but i put more effort into the other thing.
its dumv of me

i think, that was a one time thing, i need to get over it, finish my work, do that stuff in my own time since i literally have all the time in the world when my work is out of the way, and just chill.
being worked up over nothing doesn't help my slf esteem one bit.
like i know i said b.e. was kinda my kinda boice but like i seriously need to chill, mentally.
not to be cool but to literally stop overreacting because i'm starting to- i already am tired of myself and its only getting worse with how ive been handling this stuff.
im soooo going to sleep after this, listening to music or not. im tired. and i dont even feel like talking.
im honestly glad that im getting a reason to dislike her, even if its completely invalid and understandable at best. i really dont want to talk anymore, right now. oo detroit become human conoorrrr
K said my tone was aggressive but i was just trying to project my boice so she could hear me, and anyone would be mad in the morning if they had to attend school like this, or at all, for five days a week.
maybe she doesnt get it since she had friends in school and didn't go through a global pandemic before she even started her high school year.
i'll just be quieter, loud enouh, but quieter. that way i wont hav to talk as much to them. my head hurts.
i wasnt even hungry earlier, i felt a bit sick eating that stuff. also i wish i had a lover. but thats irrelevant. nonethless. i kinda wanna go into hibernation again.