legacy

If I die today
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2021-09-18 08:23:22 (UTC)

strong

I'm drinking coffee nDea made this morning he warned me it wasstrong so we'll see how this goes. I doo like my strong coffee. Typically I hit the keurig on weekends as I am awake first but today we got up at the same time clsoe to 9 we went to bed between 9 and 10 but watched tv till 11 or 12. Anyhow I too 3 or 4 acidocphilis probotics yesterday in antispation of suggar i made (tryed too) a no bake jello cheese cake. It was editable. Then we eneded up somewhere a little differnt for dinner elzano's mexi and I got a pineapple soda which of course is sugar. I olny drank half thou.
This is very underminded so nDea is quititng vaping he is on day 2.!! Here;s what interst and yeah excites me is I've been praying for him and it seems like forever but I've wanted him to make better choices but also that vape pen thing was a result of C so I've been hating on it. Guess I shouldnt be but it was her's before his so I cant stand his pink little vape thing. Anyhow he's doing okay without it . sucks to have withdrawls but it will be for ethe best and I think GOD is on the move with this. So when I woke up this mornign something odd I was praying in my head and for some reason instead of asking God about our relationship I asked him about our marrigage. IDK if I mixed things up or what but I know we are not married. so it was likea weird subconsious thing. I olny spnet I think close to 15$ yesterday bc well I'm proablly an idiot I got the dog a new sweater bc his was purple. Ok so I'm sorta a b!tch I said oh he's a boy he needs boy clothes but go ahead take a uess why I really wanted him to have new one. Yup I've given more power to C monster. I have a suspsion but it could be wrong anyhow I think maybe C had picked that sweater. Oh well. Anyhow so tryin today to not make a move in my budget. Also I was very aware last night laying down I'm giving way too much space in my mind to C and not all of it is realistic. It's not ALL from GOD or all from hell some of it is me allowing thise thoughts to prosper. I feel like I hvae failed to rebuke and take captive these stupid thoughts so every thought gets carried awway so I am going to start rejecting some thoughts that I just dont need running around in there and that dont matter in regards to her. Its futile and idel IDK what I'm gonna think about now but ehh I'll find something right? itsa big world and why does she deserve this much of my time and energey. Anyhow moving on. so this week we had mom, nDea and my brothers daughters birthday so I think i' will write for mom today. The weather is a little wet cold. We had plans on fishing not sure when or how that will paly out. We are running low on groceries. this morning nDea asked if we could defrost the fridge today. Otherwise its sorta a mystery what today will bring


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