My Boring Life
2021-09-16 00:17:04 (UTC)

Down In A Hole And Don't Know If I Can Be Saved

Busy day. I met up with this guy John about a job cleaning and making repairs on his old restaurant. It was so disgusting. We saw rats and roaches. He said they are bringing in an exterminator but I was kinda wishing he would have done that already but it is what it is. I took the job. $2000.00 for everything. He said if I need more we can talk about it. I think he's paying a lot bc it's so gross. If I'm working on this restaurant and I'll make about $4,000 if I can finish all those headstones I've been working on. And I think that will be almost enough to pay of this house I'm in. Just putting that out there put a smile on my face. I will own this place. Not for long because I'm going to move to the house my cousin is selling but even so it feels good to know I've worked hard enough to own something. Well, we'll see. I still have to do all this work first.
I talked to the landlord about the termites and he said he kinda feels like it's my problem since we had an agreement. I figured that. So I guess I'll be needing an exterminator too. I'm thinking about talking to my cousin about letting me stay in that house until I can sell this one. He's not really hurting for money and he doesn't stay there anyway so I think he'd be okay with that. If I can tell him I own this place I think he'd be willing to work with me. Idk I'll just have to see what he says. It will be weird not living in Virginia anymore. I've lived here most of my life. The house is about 2 hours from here. I can't wait to take the trip there and take a look.
Just not sure how I'm going to do this much work in such a short period of time. I told John what I'm trying to do and he offered to let me buy some pills from him called Vyvance. He said it's kinda like a performance enhancing drug. I hate taking pills other than my sleeping pills or headache medicine bc I know they can become addictive. Buut he said they will help me get more work done. Idk what to do but I'm meeting up with him in the morning and he's giving me keys so I can just let myself in the restaurant to do work. Maybe I'll buy a few and see what they do

I was thinking maybe I'll work on headstones in the mornings, take lunch and sleep for a few hours then go to the restaurant and work as long as I can until I'm exhausted. Then I'll go back home, maybe sleep again for a little bit and wake up and repeat. I may have to suck it up and let Pinky clean this house for me while I'm working. There is stuff that needs to go to the thrift store and to the dump. My ex still has a ton of clothes here so I need to get up with her or her mom and find out what I need to do with all her shit. Maybe Pinky wouldn't mind packing it up for me.

I can see Pinky right now. She's been on her couch messing with phone for a long time. Still no blinds. I'm sitting in the dark watching her like a creep. I love the sexy stuff she wears. I wish I had someone sitting around my house like that. I like the way she looks at me when she's talking. I like the way she touched my arm when she laughed about something. Her fingers were so soft. Her eyes are so dark and intense. Stupid fucking thought. I mean really dumb but what if I tried to get to know her a little more before I move? Maybe she would give me a chance? Who knows, maybe she's tired of being lonely and wants someone that may not be the best looking guy in the world but would do anything to make her happy. Crazier things have happened right? I could take her out of that shithole she's moved into.
The way she looked into my eyes on my birthday the other night when we were talking, it just felt right. I normally don't like eye contact for long periods of time but I could just stare into those eyes forever. When we were sitting outside I lied and told her there was some grass on her back and pretended to brush it off with my hand just so I could touch her. I know that is probably silly but I've been alone for way to long. She smells good too. I'd work harder than I did with my ex. I'll have to cut back on the alcohol to get all this work done so maybe she won't just see a lazy, dirty alcoholic. Maybe she'll see someone that's trying to get their life together? Maybe I can work up the courage to make a move on her before I go. And if I fail, I'll be moving away and I'll never have to see her again. I'm just talking out of my ass. I can't imagine what she would really say or do if I tried something. I don't even really know her, what the hell am I thinking?

Well, I'm going to hop in the shower and then try to get some sleep. A lot to do tomorrow. I'm glad I started a journal. It feels kinda good to get these thoughts out of my head and not have to worry about being judged by anyone.

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