Jenni's Diary
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2021-09-15 06:55:02 (UTC)

In the name of love

There is this guy that I have been in love with for years but we never actually dated. I've admitted my feelings for him multiple times, but he hasn't. In the past, he had feelings for me but nothing serious came out of it. Somedays I love him and somedays I'm like fuck him. I am so passive aggressive when it comes to him. I know that if he truly had feelings for me that he would make more of an effort to show it. I go back and forth with how I feel with him. I feel like I am doing the most to receive the bare minimum. Back then he would always try to talk to me or see me but now he won't even answer a single call from me. We both changed in better ways than back then. We were both in bad places back then and it really showed that were not meant to be in a relationship at the time. I didn't see it back then but I do now. At this time in my life I know what I want. I want something serious, I want to go on dates and have someone by my side. I want someone to show effort and to receive more than the minimum. I want someone who knows what they want and have a set life in mind. I want them to have a career and an education.

I don't know if it is a sign but on TikTok, they do these soulmate initial videos but every time I see one it always comes out with a J and I feel like it is a sign that he is my soulmate but how can he be my soulmate if he not showing that he is? Am I just being impatient or are my questions and thought valid? I feel like a crazy person because I keep going back and forth with how I feel. One second I am head over heels for him and the other second I am mad at him. I need someone stable. I need to be stable with my emotions. Is love supposed to make you feel crazy like this?
I feel like taking a step back from this person but I can't help that he is always on my mind. Wondering what he is doing right now, what is he thinking about at this very second.
I don't want to keep waiting for him and end up with nothing in return. Why do I always come back to him?

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