Scream Above the Sounds
Time is getting on, University beckons. The timetable continues to change so I'm trying not to stress over it right now, but as it stands it seems fairly relaxed, but it looks like almost all of it will take place on campus this year. That excites and scares me. I think I was really comfortable doing the first year from the confines of my bedroom, and whilst I feel this year is going to be a lot more important, a lot more practical, which is very exciting stuff, I fear it. I didn't make really make any connections with my classmates last year, and didn't even meet half of them. I'm just very nervous about the whole thing. I'm sure it will be okay when I get going. I still remember how nervous I was on the first day of my adult foundation course, and that was in 2018. How time flies.
This year has flown by, and whilst it has mostly been bad, I have some good things coming up. I'm going to be climbing Snowdon with two of my friends next month and then one of my best friends is getting married in December. I need to stop fucking around generally too. I talk, and talk, and talk about being fitter and stronger but I never actually commit and do it. I get bursts of motivation which always grind to a halt and it's impossible to get back on the horse. The friend who is getting married works away a lot, but will be living at home permanently shortly after his marriage, so I'm really hoping we can be like...fitness freaks together. He has always kept himself in really good shape and I'm hoping maybe I'll be able to learn from that with him. We used to work out together quite a lot and I felt myself getting so much stronger, fitter and happier with myself, but every time he would return to work I would stagnate. I often thought about buying gym equipment but we just simply don't have the room for anything like that at the minute, and I'm too shy and self conscious about going to a gym regularly on my own. I always fear of embarrassing myself, hurting myself or using equipment wrong. I wish I could convince my dad that maybe we could turn our garage into a gym, but I know he'd never have it. Maybe someday. I should just bite the bullet and sign up for a gym, it was the original plan before covid hit. I just need to stop being a baby or look for excuses which are going to stop me from achieving my goals.
My mum told me last night that our fridge had finally packed in. We had had it for 25 years she told me. I've agreed to go halves with her on a new one, she said she wanted some 'American styled' theme one, whatever that means. All I know is, it has water at the front of it...either way, if she's happy with it. I'm happy to help pay for it. I wish I could do more for my parents. I hope in time I can repay them for everything they have done for me. I'm still so incredibly grateful that I was able to move back here in 2018 when everything got a bit crazy. I hope I've made them proud with the steps I'm taking, I guess I just want more. Happiness is still challenging. I have good days and I have bad days, but we all do right? I'm sort of enjoying what little time I have left off now, as I start university again next Tuesday. I watched Frozen with a few friends today, I had never seen it before and it was a pretty enjoyable watch. I'm a sucker for a Disney film. I'm gonna be watching Empire Strikes Back with a friend later tonight and then have plans to continue the MSQ story in Final Fantasy XIV. I need to make the most of this free time before the hard work begins again.
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