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2021-09-14 09:01:56 (UTC)

kill me

I'm kind of extremely useless. I shouldn't be surprised but I just am. My motivation disappears so fast and I become so intimidated by the assignments given to me. I suppose I was only missing school in person because being in that place forced me to work on and complete my work immediately, rather than letting me procrastinate for a while or not completing it at all. I understand why I'm home, though. I just wish that I could feel a normal amount of drive to work. I just feel drained and I haven't even done much, I feel like trash. I have no real value if I can't work consistently. And I can't work consistently if I never feel the energy or drive to do so, I'm so sleepy even though I got more sleep than usual last night. I didn't even wake up on time. I didn't even get out of bed until my next class. I had some vague plans but I woke up late and ruined something I never really had. I want to get out of here. Run away like I always do from all of my problems. Maybe I'm lazy, in which case, I want to die. When does laziness come this far? If I'm not lazy, there's nothing I can do about it. I just want to go to sleep. School is a nightmare. There's something new everyday and I shouldn't be surprised nor should I be angry at the workload, I don't really feel either of those. I only feel disappointed in myself and in the work I'll have done to finish these assignments in the future.

I don't think I'm in the mental place to go about living life, so I might as well not. Please put me out of my misery, this miserable existence has been lived out long enough.


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