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2021-05-28 03:00:19 (UTC)

Entry 16: When down, pretend it’s better

I want to say I’m feeling down. I did garage sale shopping in the nicer subdivision than mine, After buying their leftovers and haggling them down dollars lower. I realize I cannot afford to live there, The houses have 3 car garages, large homes and expensive subdivisions.
I am not doing bad. I have a home, wife and two kids. A little money in the bank and enough to pay bills. But I’m passed he halfway mark of my life, and I see what I don’t have, More to the point, what I’ll never have, I know the grass isn’t greener, but it looks greener, and it’s professionally landscaped with an estate type of property.
I wear average clothes: Hanes, Levi’s and some stuff from Costco or sams club. I drive used Honda. Shop garage sales and craigslist/ FB marketplace. I have never lead a wild lifestyle. I take modest vacations yearly and every other year we fly to a destination. We usually pack cooler filled with pb&j sandwiches and find rentals with kitchens.
If you have find won $10,000 you would be happy until you found others with 20k,50k and. 100k winnings. They say graditute is the secret to life and happiness. But I want more. I am greedy. I am sad and I want more of everything. I want better house, better car, better body, better job, better wife, better kids...I want even a better me. I want to replace myself with a better one, a happier one.
I know you can hire someone for a wife/girlfriend play experience. But I thought about it, I wonder if you can hire a full wife with kids for a full weekend. Have kids they listen to your word, and respond with respect ,maybe “yes father”. No long kids swearing back at us, having tantrums, hitting each other. Rooms cleaned when you ask the first time. Meals are cooked at least twice a day and family eats together, No more frozen pizza, and meals include a vegetable or even two. I’m tired of being the good cook in the house. And a wife that actually does more than Facebook or Ion TV. I will not even get into the improvements in after hours activities, where I still do all the work. I rubbed one out to a fantasy of banging pretend wife while she was cooking and kids were playing in the yard.
It is pretend.
I’m getting too old and tired to fight. And I don’t have the strength to do house repairs, clean a house, cook good food, discipline kids, and work my 40 hour work week. Things are going going down hill and I guess I should just enjoy the ride.

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