Honestly, I don't even care about him anymore. I'm looking for a new boyfriend and I'm talking to other guys. He's just so freaking stupid and unreliable and I honestly hate it. I can't embarrass myself anymore, I shouldn't. I should care about myself more than what I allow. Niggas get on my nerves fr. I can't wait until I go to the concert.. I had a great time on the phone with Matt Last night honestly. A part of me wanting to explore us again, but I know that isn't a good idea. I did what I did for a reason and it's over and done with. I should pray to the lord to give me progression and strength. Not gonna lie.. I really don't know what to do next. My job fucking sucks and I want to get a new one but fuck I don't know what I really want to do. And I see all these people on Instagram and Snap, and quite frankly I need to stop being so freaking impressionable, because shit I see just makes me feel worse about my life. A part of me wish I was this wild party girl having fun, dancing drinking and shit but I don't even want to buy any outfits to go out with. I feel like im a walking contradiction. Blame that on my Gemini Moon. lol. Sigh. He asked me to join him Party pack and honestly, I'm considering it .. I just don't know how I would contribute. But I fuck with matt so heavy, I'm so proud of him really doing what his creative mind wants him to do. I don't even really want this boy to come over .. but it would be good to see my so called "boyfriend". I'm cheating on him but he wants me to cheat on him. He's probably talking to other girls too.. But he's still my friend of course.
I'm glad they dropped the Aliyah Album, it's pretty fire. something reallll chill, nostalgic. I'm not gonna smoke weed anymore. At least not for a while.. because i don't want to be dumb anymore. I just want to be myself and myself is really chill. Ms. Deneen kept saying that I was quiet today. Man it's cuz theres no point and having pointless conversation. I love when she talks about her grandson.. I can't wait for times like that. i wanna go see my grandson's basketball game or even my own son or daughter's game. I cannot wait it is going to be so fun and I am going to cheer my baby on so he can know he's super loved. I'm going to be such a great mom and I'm going to have a nice family. And me and my man is going to have a great relationship. CUZ FUCK THESE OTHER MFSSS!
Yo , writing here feels nice. I Really like Ms. Deneen. She's a great and sweet person. She gets on my nerves sometimes of course but shes amazing.
I'm bout to tell this boy that he's gonna have to leave at 10 lol . Okay bye now.