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2021-09-09 09:55:32 (UTC)

Stuck my neck out again like a dumbass 😖

One thing about wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I just go with it and sometimes that isn't the best option but such is life. You can sometimes think too much and brainstorm too much to the point where you're doing nothing but being a lump on a log. That's not me....ever. The bad part is when it doesn't turn out so positive for you. I kind of extended my arm to someone.....yet again. happy ending happening anytime soon. hehe. I'm ok. You need to do this to get anywhere in life. You feel that all too familiar sting that you never get used to. Sigh... Sort of a downer for sure. But I know this road and traveled it before. Although the sting never is something you get used to, you at least know the scenario and know what to do.

So this is that dip in the road of life. Just a dip and it too will pass. Just gotta suck it up till it passes. still thankfully for crossfit. It'd be a real downer if I didn't do that to change the chemical balance in me. I find myself in a rut though. Work will hardly be a place to meet someone. We telework and my job is male dominated. I'm not planning on batting for the other team anytime soon or ever so that seems like a dead end. I did my self imposed "no dating in the gym" rule so I may or may not have effed myself up there. Still to be determined if I'm dong the right thing there. My meetup group? Yeah, maybe. But I know most of them for years now so not many new people in that very big but familiar group. My other 1% times I go out and do stuff? Yeah, that is possible but not happening so often so not the best options there.

I'm stuck in a rut I guess until I do something very different or change my options on dating in the gym. Sorry, I need to correct myself. Not dating in the gym but asking someone to go out with me at the gym. That is more the real scenario. I really don't want my one place of peace and bliss to become all mucked up by my stupid actions of wanting to date again. Or I could go off the deep end and just not try and accept the fact that this is how it'll be. At least for the time being so I won't have to disappoint myself or not be in that scenario of really liking someone and they not wanting you back. Never ever got used to that. Oh well.