no name
2021-09-08 20:07:30 (UTC)

running away sounds nice

I've growth tired of this body.
Would it be better not to care, at least not action-wise, and just let the hate fester?

the music makes me want to go home but really I've ruined the only home I had. I no longer feel like me and N are friends. she probably feels the same. My problems have just changed, and now there is nothing to return to. Just that bed, in this room. Nothing has ever really changed. How insane, I must be to think otherwise.

that must mean there's nothing else for me, past this prologue of mine, it could be unwise to assume, or I could be right on the point and I should've realized it until now but there's nothing more to this. Not for me. I won't be able to get a cat since I'm allergic. I won't get any friends because my social skills suck and somehow friends drain me. I won't fall in love because I'm too aware and no one would love me anyway. I might be able to get a job that is actually decent, but I know, I would never ever be satisfied with working since I'm so lazy.

I'm gonna die alone.

Isn't that just wonderful?

I'm simply too far gone.

and no, I don't think that I've been overworked. I think that I have poor time management skills and they make me want to off myself as a direct result. So this shouldn't have been that hard, I just suck. Amazing conclusion, very articulate, eloquent, constantly raising the bar. So great I could just drop out of school

But you know, I do wish I had an objective perspective, a professional diagnosis and evaluation on how I've blown things out of proportion or how I need to work on others because I truly do not know when I can say that I NEED a break rather than WANT a break. I'll just continue to feel bad about the decisions I make.