If I die today
well here I am so the decision is made and IDK why but I decided to endure so this is it my life (our ) life. so this morning I did some "spiritual" 'work" and I rencounced eCarri and all assiocated spirits. While I dont know head from tails and whats what all I can go on is faith. I still am having a hard time seeing GOD in our relationship but at the same time if this is the path I lead I must be faithful with it. I'm not sure if/when we get house if she'll be present or not and I'm not sure how I will react but leaving the relationship is off the table as a way to resoleve conflict. I'm sad and disappointed and maybe a little butt hurt offended that he didnt volunatly suggest to me that he could live a life without her for us and that my feelings and concerns dont seem to be valid to him on this issue. otherwise I mean I have a winner he is the most patient man very generous and humble so while he may not have much he will share greatly and give of himself. He has some work ethic a sence of accountabality and will show up for work on time evry day faithfully. Very sweet man and you can tell by the dog he is so consideratee (maybe too nuch) of the dogs feelings and needs and stuff. Also he's very practical and resourceful. Anyhow this is the path Im down.
in other news today sitll need to get a payment out to mom. All of nDea's birthday presents are here. the roku arrives tommorw for mom so whenever she's ready will set up her gift month of excersize so she can try it. Otherwise i think I have nothing else to give. Today walked for a little bit the air is sorta rough kinda thick there is moderate air quailty but whatever that means its enought to make me uncomforable. did 2 excersize videos well I started the 2nd live on tv the the channel cut out so I picked up the last few minutes ending with a video. i had a glass of wine around 230/3 just before coffee. vitimains are usual lately I'm in thee habbit of using melation. nothing else super remarkable