Jolliah

My Boring Life
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2021-09-07 15:07:04 (UTC)

Your Flavor In My Mind Swings Back And Forth Between Sweeter Than Wine and As Bitter As Mustard Greens

It's been a productive morning so far. Finished blasting the headstone I've been working on and now it's ready for paint. It's nice to know what I made will be on the Earth to be seen by other humans for hundreds of years. I guess it's my mark I'll be leaving on this rock when I go. I've thought about putting something tiny on each stone that would be like a signature so it will always be known that I blasted these stones but something about that seems disrespectful to the people being laid to rest. I wouldn't care personally about mine but everyone has different tastes.
I helped Pinky set up a trampoline in her yard yesterday. Had a little time to talk to her and get to know her. She seems so nice. We sat on her porch drinking beers and talking after that.
Well, she talked. Im quiet around new people. I just tried to focus the conversation around her because I don't think telling her I sit around my house in raggedy old boxers, getting fucked up and staring at the wall until I pass out is a good way to make myself seem interesting. I guess she's too broke to buy stuff for her house. No bed or tables or anything. It's just a big open space with a couch, tv and some exercise equipment. I guess when she broke up with her ex she just walked out and left everything because she didn't want to go back. She said she hasn't even talked to him since that day she left. She's stronger than I am. When my ex wife first left me I couldn't stop blowing her phone up. One minute I was hurt and sad but begging her to come back then the next minute I'd be telling her how fucked up it was to leave like she did and how she could fuck off. There was a little back and forth. She decided to come back for about a week and I did everything I could to make her happy and to show I was willing to change and make more of an effort. I didn't drink for a month and stayed sober the week she stayed here. In the end though, she said she still wasn't happy and she still wanted a divorce. Around town, I heard the guy she left me for wasn't really expecting to have a girlfriend and that he kicked her out shortly after she moved in with him. Maybe that's why she came back for that week. She was dating another guy 3 weeks after that so I'm thinking she was already lining up another relationship while she was here. She was so distant and distracted. I didn't say anything about it bc I didn't want her to think I was acting jealous and I was worried I'd push her away. So I just smiled, kissed her ass and basically wasted my time bc she had no intentions of making out marriage work
.I'm probably better off without her. She was so hateful. Every morning when we'd get up together I'd kiss her cheeks, go make our coffee while she did her morning routine and when she would see me I would just see hate in her eyes. Like I stirred her coffee with my dick or something. Things had been that way for so long I just assumed she wasn't a morning person. Then she started becoming very distant in the evenings when she got home from work too. She was always on her phone. When I tried to talk to her she would snap at me like I was interrupting something. She'd get aggravated over the silliest things. There is a song called "Sour Girl" that always makes me think of her bc she really did seem sour.
Even if though things were bad I tried hard to figure out what was wrong and what I could do differently to make things better. I guess sometimes when u realize someone is falling out of love with you there is nothing you can do to stop it. It was already too late. I just didn't know things were that bad bc we didn't argue a lot. I mean normal arguments sometimes but I had no idea she was so unhappy. Sometimes I wonder if she ever really loved me at all. Idk.
Enough about her. My head is pounding. This cut and bump on my forehead looks bad. I kinda look like Frankenstein's monster bc my forehead is so big and swollen. I keep taking Advil but it's not helping.oh fuck my life. I guess I'll try to go do some yard work while it's nice out. Maybe the fresh air will make me feel better.


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