Third 👁️ Eye Spy
Apate - The mother, the witch
Swear upon the heavens above my mother is an evil narcissist clothed in daggers with a soul blacker than the abyss.
Every year she does this, although a year is a long time and it passes. I let it go, no point dwelling over the antics of my aborted mother.
Everybody else in the family contact one another on the morning of our birthdays, regardless if we're seeing each other or not, just courtesy and care to one another.
But my mother? Well, it's the only day, the only opportunity left that she can play her cuntish shite on her adult children.
I know what is beyond our physical death, with infinite certainty, it is not our end at all, just our end here (for now) and our end (for now) to seeing our loved ones for a while but she will have a lot to digest. Tons.
There are so many different types of love, to use one concept as the only foundation of love is so incorrect. And although, everyone might think love is beautiful, expansive, magical. It also has another branch, a rooted love, for a parent who treated you badly, in a way no parent should ever treat their child/ren. You don't love them like you love another parent, or like you love your child/ren, or a life partner, or siblings or close friend. Those loves are soothing, withstanding, and compromising. No, you can love an abusive parent but not care a bit about them, it's just a birthing love, biological because they brought you into the world. Well, that's all I have for my mother. She is selfish, vindictive, spiteful, a compulsive liar, narcissistic, physically abusive and she finds it hard looking into my eyes when we speak because she knows I see the monster inside her. I know her secrets.
My dad has spent 57 years with that woman. They met at the age of 11 years old, they got married at 18 years old and then had my brother, my sister, then me. I wasn't meant to be born, dad wanted to stick with two kids, but mother wanted more, and far more than three. Thank you, God, for not allowing her more!! But I was the last agreed upon, three kids it was. I've never been the same as the rest of my family, I'm not a black sheep, I did fit in, but I have always been a loner because of my spiritual sensitivity, weird shit happened around me, lol. It's too much for me to be in chaotic situations, or around chaotic people and especially not loud people. I do have oodles of energy and life in me, I am a communicator for sure, but I heal, that's my only purpose outside of the small group of people I am close to.
Dad wanted to leave her so many times, he stayed for us, his children. But the most recent was about three years ago, I helped both through it, and they stayed together but I tell you what, none of us kids can live with her. She is vile, she would only stomach her children (us) till we reached around 5-6 years old, then it always shifted back to her and has been that way ever since I was that age. She was always too busy, always for anything to do with us. Detached, cold and futile. Her unloving behaviour, the punishments, the manipulation, Oh! the manipulation!
If only my mother knew what was coming, the pain and suffering she is going to experience after she's left this world, the shit she is going to have to face. I feel sorry for the souls who will have to walk alongside her in the next life because she is certainly returning, she has a lot of lessons to learn.
You see some people, experience evil and become evil and others experience evil and choose to walk a different path.
Anyway, by this morning my brother called me again, "Sis, I'm really worried now. I still can't get hold of them." I reply, "I know, bro, me neither. I tried the landline and dad's mobile is still switched off." Bro responds, "Shall I drive up there snd see if they're alright?" I reply, "Wait, until midday and I'll keep trying their numbers. Fucking mother, same shit different year!" Bro replies, "I know, she's a selfish cunt and the flowers will be dead on their doorstep by now." I reply, "Alright, don't worry. I had a good feeling this morning, but I'm angry, because of her bullshit." Bro replies, "I know, sis. It pisses me off too."
So, the mother calls me just after I came out of the doctor's after a gay doctor, felt up my boobs for a check-up (lol - so glad he was gay) and she say's, "Hello, it's mum." I reply, "Yes, I know the number." She says, "Well, anyway thanks for the gifts. They're lovely." I say, "Where have you been? We've been worried sick, thinking something had happened?" she says, "Well, me and your dad went out to the seaside, took the dogs and spent the day there and then ate and didnt get back till late." I reply, "Ok, I understand you were spending time out on your birthday but you know we always call each other when it's our birthdays, even if we're going out. And you never stay out THAT late. Dad's mobile was switched off, he always has it on when he goes out. What happened there?" she says, "Yeah, well I guess he misplaced the charger." I say, "You guess, do you? I see." (knowing it's her that did this) she says, "Yes, I suppose so, but anyway we had a great day." I say, "G (my bro) had flowers being delivered to you, probably ruined now, you knew they were coming. If you knew you were going out, why couldn't you charge the phone and call us when you were out so we could wish you a happy birthday? You knew we would be calling." She gets angry, snaps at me, "DON'T blame me, BLAME your dad!!" I reply, "Well, dad is considerate so don't start that and I AM guessing he didn't misplace the charger." She says, "I am ending this call now." I say, "Well, ring your son, he's worried and about to drive up to you to make sure you hadn't dropped down dead." she replies, "I'll ring him now."
The thing is it's very unlikely all day and the next day we can't get hold of them, and they're miles away from us, two hours. But the fact is, the witch just makes it worse for herself.
My mother has an equal measure of a need for sadism and masochism, she loves to cause emotional pain (sometimes physical as kids) and then plays us all off one another and includes my dad in that then cries wolf to get sympathy. It's what she learned as a kid herself coming from a very large family of 12 siblings. Anyway, glad I haven't got to deal with her for another year.
It's dad's birthday on Saturday, I'll be out on a date with navy man (A) he is treating me like I am already his. I'll phone dad in the morning.
So anyway's, the darkness still looms. I'll have to wait for more info on that.