If I die today
Ad 2:
2021-09-05 12:05:10 (UTC)

idk what i want

Last night was a drinking night I finally tried a kettle one spritzer then we switched to wine.I thought I had better self contolr but guess what topic came up. Cmonster. I think this is m breaking point . I do regret moving in soo soon. I dont think I should have to have her in my life and I dont know if I can go into a home with him with his attudide that he should be allowed to visit who he now called his ex-wife. in my house. I want nDea and I love him but I dont think I can handle what hes coming with. I have nowhere to go I mean I could beg and ho knows maybe lCaro? but thats not the smartest idea I want to live alone I could totaly still date and love nDea at afar but this is too much for me so yesterday we ran into nDea's aughter at the store and IDK how who what triggered c-monster but she starts texting him abouthow they planned and arranged to meet up with out her? which it was just pure co-incendce. my one thing is I do not want this woman in my home until I have differnt feelings . Am i supposed to sit back and watch him be taken adavage of and set myself up for this heartache and what if we do ever gett married do you think thisis acceptanale I would have to divorce again. psssh.. I dont feel threatened endangered or anything just heartacheand sad we havnt talked since last night and I'm hesistant bc I dont know what I want and what I say could bring an end to this quickly. I do still want to get divorced no matter who it what I am dating or not. soI need funds for that I have some bills to pay but I just dont want to be a part of ths charage on this level. i'm pretty sad scared heartbroken and confused at this moment I do still honor nDea as my man but once a talk comes who knows maybe a shift sometime maybe today . IDK I'm not ready to speak since I really dont know what to I want and I could open up a world of heartache and diaster unnessarly

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