Jolliah

My Boring Life
2021-09-04 23:16:59 (UTC)

Built To Spill

Oh, what a damn day. Sitting here having a beer and watching the sunset. I actually feel good at the moment. Kinda peaceful. Life is a mess but if you can enjoy small things like beautiful sunsets, feeding the birds and or making plants grow then life can't get you down but so much. The world can stomp on me but there is still beauty out there. Life is a gift. I vent and rant because life confuses me a lot but I don't take my life for granted. I had a friend burn up in a fire about 15 years ago. I remember it was back when myspace was popular because his last post read "leaving, don't know if I'll be back."
It's weird giving what happened just a few hours later and what he really meant by the post was, he was letting his family know that he would be going out and didn't know if he was coming back that night or the following day but the way he phrased it still gives me chills. Poor guy. He was young, maybe 20. I bring it up because I know that could be me or anyone. Even if I stay in bed for days and complain about how much life sucks I still take time to appreciate my life because it could be over in an instant.
I talked to Pinky this afternoon when I was taking out the garbage. She's seems like a nice person. She asked me about my day. I never really know what to say when people ask that. I can't really be honest bc who cares, right? I feel like anytime so try to talk about how I'm feeling people give me a look like they regret asking.
I wish I could figure out how to get with a girl like Pinky. Or I could just have Pinky, haha. She looks like she takes care of herself, she's sweet, she tries to be helpful. She's just lovely. I feel like I'll be alone forever.
I'm a mess. How do you do better when your life has gotten so out of control? It's not like a few weeks or months of hard work would fix anything or I would do it. Its far passed that now. There is a band I like called Built To Spill and they sing a great song called " Broken Chairs". It's funny, I imagine a chair that's built with three legs so when you sit on it you'll just fall to the ground. Kinda how I feel. Like just being who I am makes me a failure. It doesn't matter how hard I try or what I do, I'm built to spill.


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