My Boring Ass Life
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Update, I'm not confessing to my crush but I am going to this year. I made a deadline.
Recently I've been feeling so alone. I've been hanging out with friends and family but I still feel alone. And ironically enough sometimes it even makes it worse, I just feel like nobody understands me. I just feel so alone and helpless.
Deep down inside I just want a pity party, thrown just for me and only for me. I want all the attention and I don't want to be abandoned.
Today I felt so horrible, I feel like my friends don't like me. They seemed like the two of them got along so well, and I was just intruding. Like when I share my 'trama', I feel like nobody really understands how much it hurt me. I was so sucidal, and self-harming every chance I had. And it still effects me to this day, and when every I think about it for too long, I get triggered and I start self-harming again in order to calm down.
And it's just like when ever I tell people what happened nobody seems to care. Well except for my ex-friend, but I fucked up and our relationship is gone.
I literately feel like I'm all alone.
Anyways, I think I might have a mental break down soon. Its been awhile since I've had one so I'm kind of scared. Usually I have 'symptoms' before I get a mental break down, like I become impulsive, I start pretending like I'm having conversations with other people out loud, I feel numb, and I have no sexual interest.
So I'm estimating I might have one in a week, which sucks because I'm starting school soon. But I think I'm just going to let it happen, I really don't want to prepare and hide sharp objects or heavy things that I might hurt myself with. However I will be throwing out the pills I keep in my room. (Like advil)
Gosh I really hate myself and everything around me. Like holy fuck.
Why did you tell her I was going to a different school, I told you I was going to her myself. Why did you have to interfere like holy fuck. I was going to tell her, why did you have to tell her. I fucking told you not to say anything you fucking traitor. Fuck you! Ya fuck you! Honestly. Fucking fuck you, and you have the nerve to act all normal when you fucking promised you wouldnt say fucking shit. Didnt even give me a warning you little stupid fucking cunt. FUCK YOU ! NO FUCK UYOUU UOUUOOUOU UY&UHYHIIhfdvrffiik.
okay im done. no im not. Why does everyone seem to be such a piece of shit in my life. Am I the problem I dont understand? And If im the problem then what the fucking am I doing wrong? //cldogjhwrugjwedjfwirjgiu
now im done. Fucking gFucivngujijkmk
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