kestrel

Prompt 128: 2000s Star For A Day

128. Who would you say is the most influential celebrity of the 2000s? What would you do if you could trade places with him or her for a day? Would the experience make you more jealous, or would you be happier for your relatively anonymous life? Why?
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Hmm. I had to do a bit of research for this one, as my appreciation for celebrity has a lot of room for improvement. Two standouts would be Channing Tatum and Orlando Bloom. Both became pretty famous movie stars in the 2000s, Bloom in particular with significant roles in two of the decade's three major franchises. I guess Tatum is forgettable outside of his roles in the Magic Mike films, but for those he is pretty remarkable. Both would be fairly useful in the agenda I would have planned were I able to live a day of their life as more than just a spectator. The following assumes that I had agency as an occupant of my host body. I wouldn't be satisfied were I just in the front seat of some mystical roller-coaster or IMAX ride, watching that person's life as a privileged audience of one.

As soon as I woke up and realized I was one of those two guys (or any famous male, for that matter), I'd schedule a vasectomy for that day as quickly as possible. They have tons of money, so it would be no problem to have the medical eligibility tests that morning, and the relatively quick procedure that afternoon.

In the case of Tatum in particular, with his sex-symbol status, incredibly beefy physique, and reputation as a champion in the sack (fictional or otherwise, I guess, since I've never seen the films), the cause for and image of voluntary male sterilization would receive a significant boost. I think that's the single most productive thing that a man can do for the future of the human race, seriously. Imagine how many more guys would go for a vasectomy after seeing a pair of movie stars - both very likeable by the ladies - getting clipped. It's like a massive flip of the current social stigma on male birth control, masculine expectations, and population growth all in one.

By the time the day ends and I've magically left their bodies, the deed would be done. Based on my own personal vasectomy experience, I'd have a feeling they would feel like the procedure is more of a hassle to reverse than it's worth. Imagine the interviews they'd have to sit through afterward, and their attempts at explaining how it occurred. Would they admit they were possessed by some other entity that forced them to do nothing else but have a vasectomy? Or would they be advised by their handlers to articulate a response that didn't make them sound flat-out bonkers?

Had I one of those "Quantum Leap"-style time machines (where you inhabit the body of a person in the past), that's probably what I'd do. Not just for famous men but for any man with the means, in like 90% of cases. More men need to take on the responsibility of birth control. So what if they consider it permanent? There are already plenty of people out there. Anyway, that's what I'd do. If the plan worked, then once back in my regular body I could die a happy man.