nobody

nobody
2021-08-31 07:52:00 (UTC)

dating

I've been forcing myself to date or try to the past few months to get over the guy I wrote about in my last entry. Hasnt been great.

The first guy I met on the app. He was ok, I just didn't feel passionately about him. The stuff I'm passionate about distrust in the government, medical industry etc he didn't seem to really know anything about. Seemed like he had a really sheltered life, came from put together family etc. Really into music which is fine good to be passionate about something, but he truly believes he's gonna become famous and every conversation seemed to revolve back to when he got his record deal and so on. Like we talked about cars he said he'd buy his nice car when he got his record deal, when he made it big. I found his youtube out of curiosity his most popular song had 7 views. So yeah I just felt like he lived in a delusional bubble and not reality and couldn't relate to my reality at least. He was ok to hang out with but he also tried to tell me he was 1 rule for me was I'm not to have sex with anyone else, even though we were never official or anything. Which is when I stopped talking to him because I didn't feel passionately enough about him to follow rules or what not.

The second guy I met at the club. He was much younger than me, 21 turning 22 but we seemed to have a lot in common. He also came from divorced abusive and more or less useless family, learned to survive on his own, distrust in the government and was self employed as well. He seemed ahead of his years at least so I decided to give it a shot when he asked me out on a date. I don't know if he was actually as successful as he made it out to be, his card got declined at dinner and I had to pay and he lived in a trailer with two roommates! Despite that it was actually a decent time we fed some raccoons and cats and exploring nature and he made it entertaining. We hung out two more times, but I realized he was still in college and clinging to the college lifestyle. Actually brought me to a frat party which was weird. I'm about to turn 30 and not sure I want to spend my 30s living the college lifestyle and not to mention lived 2 hours away and I ended up feeling like a pedo just thinking of doing anything sexual with him so I stopped hitting him up also.

The third guy I met on the app awhile back. He is just one year younger than me and we had a lot in common in terms of our views, both distrusted the government and big pharma. He refused to get the shot as well and didn't judge me for not getting it. He was chill about me being a stripper too didn't judge or react the way the sheltered guy did. The downside though is hes broke. We ate on his floor the times I was there because he lives paycheck to paycheck and apparently couldn't even afford a coffee table. Money isn't everything I just don't want to be his sugar momma you know? The other downside is his sex drive is too crazy and I don't mind satisfying someone else, but he never actually cums because he hates condoms he says and it usually just winds up with him being more frustrated and wanting to go again an hour later or so. I get exhausted. Also he lives so far and every time I've had to initiate us hanging out. I figured ok well at least he hasn't forced any rules or commitments on me so I'll see him when I see him and at least it can be something fun. But lately he's been getting drunk and posting bs on snapchat about "all the girls that reject him," etc. It's been offputting like I know we aren't together but you don't got to rub that shit in my face while we're hanging out if you know I'm following you. He told me last week he got me a birthday cake so I was like ok maybe he does like me. But then I asked when he wanted to meet up and give it to me and he never replied. So whatever if he doesn't hit me up this week I'm just gonna move on.

I'm tired of games and bs. I've been messaging more guys on the apps out of boredom, but not many interest me to be honest. I've had a rough past and I feel like I have more of an understanding of things than most people. Also not to sound cocky but I have my own house, car, make six figures a year now. I don't want to support a deadbeat guy who doesn't have shit. Unless they are gonna take the role of housewife and cook and clean for me but that's another story. Most just wanna fuck though and I'm not just looking to get used. One thing if they take me out on a date and show me a nice time, but they usually put no effort into the conversation or anything. The lockdown was the worst because they all used that as an excuse to try to get me to come straight to their place or come to mine because "everything is shut down we can't go out." So stupid. I've been backtracking into the club and sugar baby shit a bit the past month because I feel like I might as well make money if I'm gonna get used.




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