Porky Pieman

Pies, Puns and Filthy Thoughts (18 )
2021-09-01 08:15:18 (UTC)

Not Tonight 18plus

I remember a girlfriend I once had, a nice lady who still lived at home with her mother. She'd been trying to get me to meet her for ages but I'd kept putting it off with excuses etc. as I'd heard the mother was a bit of a dragon and had ended her daughter's previous relationships.

The girlfriend came to my house one Wednesday night for a midweek sports special and as soon as she came through the door (not the only time she'd be coming that night I hoped) she said "it's sorted Porky, you're coming to mine Saturday night for a meal and to meet my mum and she's agreed you can stay the night". Before I could say anything she carried on, "No excuses this time, you've dodged it long enough and if you say no then there's no covering my belly and boobs with brown sauce and bits of Pork Pie and having your supper tonight and I won't be having a chocolate covered donut that you like to serve me in your special way".
"I wish I'd never told you I liked them" she added "It's bad enough trying to eat them off that thing without it trying to poke my eyes out"

After a 2 second conference with my little donut stand we agreed we'd no choice, we'd have to go,

So, suited and booted I turn up at my girlfriends Saturday night, the introductions are made and we sit down to a meal. It's not going too badly when my girlfriend says" I'll just leave you two alone a few minutes, I need to visit the bathroom"
She leaves the room, we're sat there, the mother staring at me, then she says "I've heard a bit about you Porky, so let me get one thing straight, there'll be no sex in this house tonight"
Which was bit of a shame to be honest as she wasn't a bad looking woman




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