Jolliah

My Boring Life
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2021-08-31 17:21:34 (UTC)

Everything's Gonna Be Fine

Some days I just want to sit in the dark and isolate. Not watching TV or playing with my phone or even reading a book. I just sit in my chair and stare at the wall in the dark. Pot seeds, dirty dishes and beer cans cover every surface around me. Finally let my cat out of the house for the first time in days because I feel like he shouldn't have to be trapped inside because I'm in one of my moods again.
I think I'm starting to hate people in general. I think I'm happier, well less miserable when I'm alone. I hate that because I used to have love for every one. I feel like I was naive in those days because I always hoped if I were kind enough to people and was always there for people then I would have lots of people that in return care about me because I thought, who wouldn't want a friend like that.
Wouldn't you like a friend like that? Someone that would help you move if you get evicted from your home and even lets you crash with them until you get on your feet again. Or would give you rides to and from work because your car broke down and not even ask for gas money because they know you have to save cash to fix the car. Someone that will watch your wild ass kids for a few hours so you can have a break. I can go on and on. I've done all that and I still don't have anyone that cares about me. If I don't call or text other people, the phone will remain silent for days. If I'm upset like I was when my wife left, I have no friends to comfort me. I have maybe 15 " friends" on Facebook but no one ever liked or commented on anything I put up there. I finally stopped posting on FB a while back because I thought why put up anything interesting or share a photo of myself if no one cares. I also noticed one of my best friends kept getting kicked off of fb because of mean comments and when he'd make a new profile he'd never send me a friend request. Not sure why because it's not like I post crazy shit all the time or make obnoxious comments. I literally just " like" do the " HaHa" or say congrats if someone got married or whatever. It just made me feel kinda bad. Thinking about deleting it altogether but I want to be part of my friends lives. I'm torn because I feel like I don't really have any true friends so why do I give a fuck about their lives in the first place? If you are reading and you've gotten this far, why? I'm sure no one is reading because the moment someone starts talking about their feelings people start tuning them out. I'm not even playing victim here bc I know it's not just me. I don't think most people care about each other much. If they can't do something for you then they aren't really a friend anymore. Most longterm friendships, relationships and marriages don't seem to last longer than maybe 10 years at the most. Think about it, other than elderly people how many couples have stayed together for 20 years. I'm sure this isn't true with other cultures and in other countries but here in the USA, don't count on many people loving you or caring about you forever. I'm sure it does happen but only to a lucky few.
There's Pinky in her window again, and she's running on something used for exercise but it's not a treadmill. Not sure what it's called. Still no curtains or blinds so I guess she really doesn't care if she's being watched.
Look at her, beautiful and young. She probably has more people in her life that care about her than I do. Probably carefree and the world is her playground. Wish my life could be like that. Just for a day. It seems like things don't work out for me like they do for other people. No matter what I do, I end up sad and alone.
Aw man, she just took off her tank top and she's just running in a sports bra and some shorts. Mmm. Ok so I guess the day is looking a little better now, haha. Ah, I like watching her cute little tittie's bounce. Maybe I should feel bad about watching but hey, I was a good neighbor and told her to put up some damn blinds but no one listens to me as per usual. Maybe she really meant it when she told me to enjoy the show? Why else would she run and undress right in front of an open window? Maybe she likes to be watched?
I wish I could run my fingers up her legs and thighs and push those little shorts to the side. Touch her warm moist panties and tease her, waiting until the just the right moment when she's moaning and asking for more. Then I'd push those panties to the side and show her what she's been missing. What can I say, I'm a perv. I told you all people are garbage.


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