nin137

Nick's Journal
2021-08-28 17:05:13 (UTC)

Have Some Water!

I moseyed down to the nearest barnes and nobles in hopes of buying the latest issue of the economist and a fantasy football magazine. the economist is literally the only magazine I ever buy but, with my fantasy football draft happening tomorrow, I decided to expand my reading repertoire. upon arrival, I saw, to my utter astonishment, that 75% of the vast shelves of magazines were empty. they did have the economist, but the issue was 2 weeks old.

being generally appalled at the state of affairs I decided to ask customer service about the situation.
"do you happen to have the newest economist, the one you have out is 2 weeks old"
"no." it was apparent by the response that looking was not an option.
"do you have any other magazine racks or so? I didn't see very many there." I asked somewhat hopefully.
"no."
"I just noticed that most of the shelves are empty, I was wondering if you were restocking." this seemed to trigger something.
"look. SIR. what we have is out on the shelves. we have been having a supply issue and, frankly, the demand is not there either." with this the guy, who I think was the manager, glared at me like I was solely responsible for the lack of demand.

I took the hint and moseyed further to the local bookstore. lo and behold, stocked shelves of magazines, latest issue of the economist and everything a book nerd could hope for. I just feel bad for the manager of barnes and nobles. although to be fair, I much rather enjoy paying my money to a mom and pop bookstore with a sweet elderly couple manning the register than a conglomerate. although, now that I think about it, my first choice was barnes and nobles and I only looked up the local place after it didn't have what I wanted. but now I have changed my ways and will always go to the local chain first!

so there I was, economist in hand, marching down the park (where I wanted to sit in the shade). the park was closed, because that's how parks are in America, for a seemingly private event which was basing music so loudly I felt it in my chest. so I continued the moseying to another park bench by the water.

after about an hour of reading about how Biden fucked up the Afghanistan withdrawal (and he did fuck that up even if blame for the entire catastrophe can be easily diffused), I decided to walk back to my apartment. as I was walking, contemplating the fate of poor afghanis I was rudely ripped from my thoughts with,
"it's hot out here, HAVE SOME WATER!"
I sort of shrank back to find a dude, with those wrap around multi-coloured shades that bodybuilders in Venice beach in the 80s wore, standing in front of me, holding a cold bottle of water out to me. I looked behind him and saw that he was standing in front of a gym for which, he, presumably, was about to advertise the merits to me.
"no thanks, I'm good, just a little ways to home."
"your body gets dehydrated before your mind knows it!" he took two steps closer to me, which, in a time of covid, could be construed as menacing. he pulled down his shades,
"I mean it, literally, once you THINK you are thirsty..." with this he jabbed the water bottle at me again, "it's already too late!"

he was staring at me rather intensely and he did have a point, and I thought that, now that my quick escape was already thwarted, I may as well take the proffered water as compensation for time wasted.
"thanks," I said turning to go,
"brother, brother," he followed me, I turned around and he was standing there in this pose where he had his one fist clasped into his other hand, thereby "inadvertently" flexing his chest and biceps, "have you heard of the benefits of yoga?"
"yes, I actually do the 5 tibetans" which was true, I rather enjoy them.
"that's great, that's great, I'm glad to hear that, your body is a temple, it's the best investment you'll ever make. that's why, I think you would benefit greatly from an instructor who can help you get the most out of your exercises."
"uhhh..."
"you see," he continued, "you have," at this he unclasped his hands momentarily to form an arch in the air with his hands, "a round back. bad posture. happens in this time of cell phones and computers."
"um..." I had realised I had vastly underestimated the tenacity of a man who was willing to stand motionless in 90 degree heat to sell gym memberships. he, apparently, had no compunction with point out physical deformities to get his point across.
"just think about it, here," with this he pushed a flyer in my hand, "look us up, check it out, invest...IN YOURSELF!"

and with that finally emphatic sales pitch he did this thing which kind of looked like a dab but was more like him pointing one finger at me with outstretched arms and the other cocked by his face, sort of like an atlas pose bodybuilders make.

there is no chance I'm joining a gym in this disease environment.




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