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2021-08-23 15:43:26 (UTC)

life is crazy

4:43 pm

im at a cafe right now. i decided that on my days off, ill try to go to a cafe consistently to study and manifest my interests. im taking a gap year from school so all i really do is go to work on my days off i find that time goes by so quickly to the point where i dont really get anything productive done, leading me to feel worn out and tired out by the redundancy in my life.

on my 19th birthday, my friend called me while i was at work telling me that after my shift is over we should hang out. she said we would go to the karaoke and celebrate but plans dont go out as planned so instead she and her friend took me clubbing for the very first time. i went in with a fake id and the vibes felt so liberating at the club. i had a few drinks and got drunk pretty quick.

usually i always care about what people think about me so whenever i talk to people i hold myself back from saying what i really want to say because im too afraid i wont be relatable to them or lame. but it felt nice at the club because i didnt care and i wasnt holding myself back from anything. i liked how nobody there really judged one another and how everyone was so friendly to one another. it made socializing easy.

it was easy to get close to my friends friend too. she was very sweet to me. when we were done clubbing, my friend got into a fight with a group of people i think. its funny because i guess even when i am drunk, i still tend to enjoy my presence alone because while there was chaos everywhere i was just sitting on the floor by myself with no clue about what was going on and i think i ended up blacking out because i dont really remember anything after that.

i only woke up on the way back home when my friend was yelling at me and she told me we got into a car accident. she was telling me something about how the police was coming and i honestly was too sleepy to care. the police started to ask my friend and i questions so i just pretended to fall back asleep because i was afraid of getting in trouble. my friends other friend picked us up and they got into a fight so her friend dropped us off in the middle of the street and we had to get a lyft to go back home. i had no shoes at that point because i lost mine.

it got pretty serious when my friend told her mom about the car accident and all but i guess its all good now because my friend is at california with the other girl we went clubbing with.

what happened was pretty bad but i cant help but just love everything that went that night because i felt so free and careless.

im always trying my best to be a good girl to my mom and to my bosses at work and to just do things that were not so good was fun.

my goal is to be able to travel a lot in my life and also just feel free. i want to have more flexibility in my life to have more fun but not in a way where it will get me in trouble.

currently im stuck with a five day a week schedule at work from 11:30 am to 10:30 pm and its tiring as fuck. i dont have the guts to really quit my job because i always want to make the people around me satisfied even if thats not what i like.

i know im going to get somewhere far in life and so im at the cafe studying how to be successful and trying to learn how to manifest the life that i want. right now i dont have the ability to control much of my life. the only control i have in my life is my room and working on the way i look and my habits that i have.. im starting small but im hoping and i believe that soon im going to be having a blast.

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