If I die today
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2021-08-20 15:30:05 (UTC)

I didnt hear that

In the physcial not too much newly noteable other than the air quaility is poor it was manageble this morning for a short walk and back n fourth with laundry thou. Otherwise nothing too much todays the 20th so cutting back on things till a new month so letting my body process so no vitimains planned or extras for a few days just tryin to take a break. On my mind a few things and while I dont know what to do with nDea and the whole C monster sitaution by situation i mean me not wanting or having interest in being in each others homes. I dont know what God's telling me to do. I know I'm in a pickle and here I am legally still married and well I think thats the biggest inpurity I believe God would want me in a marrigae if I'm going to be living with sleeping with a man and so on. I dont have an answer. I prematurly commited to all this and sexually welll its been a history of me so something I ave done more than once outside of marriage. I dont wanna be that way anymore. I actually dont hear much from GOD about the nDea situation and no oppruinties have risen up as far as housing for me to even ponder but I havtn really really looked either and I dont think nDea wants me to leave. The thing is thou its apparent that he loves his family I dont know how the C monster fits into that but maybe I shoud consider that a bit more but how do I learn do I need to be a part of these home visitis to his daughter to get a chance to find out for myself is she/it or whatever what I belive she is and do I need to welcome her on my living space to get to know her for myself and asses the situation? IDK but I feel like I've been pondering running too much lately so I need to simmer donw on that thought in fact I havee no direction. So anyhow also no email back from the atty which frustrates and confuses me and gives me anxiety bc to me it feels like paying soo much money I deserve a responce within 24hours exspecially if they want money also I went to make sure the moeny was aviable and I dont want the case closed. Its rude and based on precvious bills I would assume if I asked or called it would cost me another one tenth of an hour charge bc any and every contact has cost me even asking for helpe with an email they sent . Anyhow so nothing nothing new. Well Anyhow I have intentions toomrow to get my mom this retirment bag and a little coin purse thing its cute and to go ahead and get those 2 items ordered tommorw for her. Otheerwise its my inention to focus more on fitness specially since the tyrany is back in play and I will not surrender to self suffication or inseration of the soluntion and also well at 117 or 118 anyhow I am gettin chunky and lastley nDea has a birtha and I have a few weeks to shape up out of my own choice I want to be special for him anyhow . Its close to datenight time (not meaning sex I just mean this is our time) so I'm off

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