Saw Bob again. Very ..
Saw Bob again. Very last-minute. Works out for both of us though, the way things are at the moment.
He was quicker this time. And I probably came across a bit less gregarious than last time (tho to be fair I was probably on ambien last time) although I'd had a quick drink and I tried to make an effort to be more conversational. Being raped has kinda taken the wind out of my sails. And he also said some self-defacing stuff (I know that's not the word but I can't be bothered) but in a funny way. Like, he did genuinely make me laugh (although that might be a relatively easy thing to do.)
He asked me if I work or if I'm "a lady of leisure" and I just responded with "it's complicated" which yeah, I suppose I did mean in the sense of politely meaning "Don't pry" that he took it, but also it is... Complicated. One aspect is that, in my silly brain, making £80 once in 1hr is better than frequently making £800 over 100hrs. Being able to set the value of my own labour feels important.
Like at this point, the idea of getting paid to do sex stuff isn't, in itself, as sexy as it was. Although the rape did get me mentally a bit fucked up, I can tell by how I feel differently about things... I should talk to someone about it.
But Bob's alright. I mean for all I know he's a Tory-voting transphobe who licks Priti Patel's arse; but on a practical level, he respects me and my time, and he is kinda fun to give head to. He'll push me, but isn't too forceful. He touches me up, but knows the unspoken limit (and I don't mind being felt up. In fact, even with it being a bit clumsy it's human touch and haven't we all been a bit deprived of that?)
But I suppose that can be true, and that I also would legitimately have no interest in talking to him if it wasn't transactional. Well. Maybe I'd laugh at his stories over a double of bourbon (preferably pain for by him) for however long I'm amused for.
I need to get some photos taken and do this all properly.