If I die today
I dont want your money
Today the email came with the status of divorce. Unfortnly its gonna be another 800 -1thou to serve by publication bc at the address the atty was sooo cofindent we could lacotate him where he registered to vote the mail came back just says does not live here. Well I called to vent to my mom just an emotional thing and she asked if I was asking for money and no no no no I made this mess I need to clean it up. I'm bitter and sour bc its taking every last dime of me and also in the "rent" free living condtions I'm in as nDea handles rent and elcertic I do interent and well I have a shopping habbit so usually household stuff and lots of that plus my storage and my loan I dont think theres much else besides 2 subrications of mine amazon and the essentrics. Anyhow its just such injustice and I dont know if these people are messing with me protecting him or if hes not there. I tried to caution the atty I've been down this road before and that address is no good but they replied cofiendely and thats where he recently registered and blah blah. Ugh so I almost feel like we took a useless step . Also I know I should have never got married this is my mess and I need to clean it up but at what exspence come on now the "man" left me with nothin and has paid no reprunctions in anything Im spending all the legal money and time and headaches. Also if these people are soo "christain" why if he's not there why arnt they helping me find him and if he is there why are they protecting him . I'm sure he's been tipped off now weather he got the mail or not so I'm guessing its cat and mouse or what do u call it where I'm just gonna be chasing him avoiding me. But publication should end it right should all be over once we get that? I'm concerned about the attorney fee bc going in on the 1thou right now drains me and then if hit with a sudden new fee at 325and hour I'm tapped out man I olny get a little over a thou a month so IDK if I can handle it but I have to do my best. Anyhow everything is hitting me and I'm starting to feel ashamed like I have taken adavange of nDea with my shopping and spending habbits he lets me off of the rent so I can save money and I should have done better saving but no no I had all these urges and needs and exspences . At this point I dont have plans to drink but for me its probally ben 20aweek then theres sh!t that some may call stupid IDK but clothes I loooove clothes. And so on and so on . Yes I'm picky too about things so I have a lot to get over. I dont know whats gonna happen waiting to see the exact detials of what I owe right now to move forward and god willing I will be turning a new leaf of self control . Mask mandates (eyeroll) sigh are in again so I'm pretty much screwed anyway as far as going out so maybe thatll help. I need to occupy myself thou. Gotta work on that. I'm pretty charged up thou mentally about the injustice. It does not seem fair and how long and how much consquences should I have to pay. Am I being immature Is this just. How deep are the conquences for what I've done and well I guess its not right for me to worry about his conquences but it probally would make me smile a little to see him have one dam challange or sacrifice in effort to make this right. What have I done.? Anyhow I'm discontent about it all and my thinking on it. Today I'm allright I lost my appetiete for lunch due to the email so I just ate "lunch" otherwise one walk with the dog and 2 excerise videos . same old same of vitiamins. A little sleepy but I've been sleepeir lately finding mornings challanging. so could be a # of things and I'm getting fat thee latest # is 118 so I need to really buckle down and correct that and that means portion control self control. So much "work " to do inside me. Its nothing substancial for anyone to see so I basicly appear as far as "work" to be well nothing. Althou IDK all this self workhelps the world but I suppose itll help me have a purpsoe if I can get it together fast enough.