By Myself

Somewhere I Belong
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2021-08-19 17:48:43 (UTC)

the small things matter too.

At the branch where i was posted before the virus there was a small pizza shop which i used to see daily from the bus window as i was headed home. For weeks everytime i passed it i said to myself tomorrow is the day ill visit it. Then finally i did. I wasn't disappointed. The beauty of small establishments is that they cater to the customers. They stack the toppings up high. Dominos sucks. Their pizza is dry. their bbq chicken toppings look like goat poop. little balls of tasteless meat. Not these guys. they got it right. Cheese melted. greesy and with toppings. How i enjoyed their food. Small as in just a few tables outside to sit on thats it. they were so humble and polite. Then unfortunately they shut down. They moved their kitched elsewhere and only delvier. Like fuck. just when i found something i enjoyed fate took it away.

So i found them today. after a couple of years of totally out of my memory they just came to me. I found them on google and left them a five star review. I so wish they do great.

Few days back i wanted to update my computer drivers. so i download a software. it does the scanning. and holy fuck i got around 26 outdated drivers which are half a decade old. So i do what every sane person would. Update all. then comes the fun part. As soon as it came to my keyboard driver the dammm thing stopped working. yep. my keyboard became a desk ornament. I tried penetrating all the remaining ports but same issue. The usb wasn't recognized. greaaaaattttttttttt. Luckily there was a system restore done before the updates. so i did that and bravooo everything back to normal. But that removed all the updates you see. and i want them back. so i did the update again but this time i unchecked the keyboard option and then everything went smooth.

this small incident is a part of a long line of incidents which brings me to the only logical conclusion that i'm in a way cursed. I'm cursed to have something mess up in my everlasting plan to get shit working. the whole world buys the same product. and they all just push and play. but me. naaaaaaaaa. i do push and i get error. what are the odds that my keyboard fails on a driver update. not in a million years would i have thought it would happen. and why me. why is the mouse working fine. why the keyboard. i get some cool friends and bammmm they have to be frickin online and i can't ever meet them. and here offline i wan't to execute these fools let alone talk to them .theres always a catch. i remember i used to go to the toy store and buy me some GI JOe action figures. of all the toys there i had to pick the one with the defect. i just had to.

fate says to me you will be happy but before you will suffer a lot. i see my neighbors,cousins my age with family and kids of their own and the black sheep of the family. im the one left who isn't courted in matrimony. its me. fate has picked me. i was the wingman at some youth meet up with my friend and he married the girl who he talked to there. like bammmm..first girl he ever courted and now they have a kid. meee??? years later and still alone as fuck. small disappointing incidents over a long period of time crush your self confidence into bits. when something major hits you once in a while you brush it off saying meehhh its not gonna happen again. but something small keeps whacking your nuts clean again and again you then can't lie to yourself anymore saying it wont happen again.