If I die today
my youngest brother
I know its been years and agees I mean you no harm or want harm toward you. Theres nothing to resent as well we all are the way we are for a reason and uncertian how you feel about me I dont hold anything against you and hope that you can findhealing for my offences against you big and small. At times I have thought your the best of all us as syblings youre the most successful and morally compassed. Youve acheived many things I hear. Im proud that your marrieded and it sounds like you're a real man which is rare is this worls and exspeically in your age range. I olny know what I am told of you as we are distance but theres nothing to be ashamed of. This may be alarming to our parents and relatives but for you I do hope you discover truth as far as catholism is concerned and that you are able to be free from any holds that may have/or had in your life. I hope your family prospers in truth and that your wife is sound in knowledge and strong to stand against deciet in the medical field and that she can still be a part of peoples healing and health. I hope she loves you abudeuntly and purely. I'm glad that you were able and willing and had the recent celebration for what was it your 5 or 10yr anniversy isn 2021. probaly 5 since i've been gone olny 8ish years. Anyhow we have been thru a lot as children and even as adults in this worl as far as our childhood we had diffrent expiernces well bc of age and other factors and I wasnt always there but I hope that you find truth peace and contment and are able to function as the adult you are. Things are very vague and unclear to me all the time but I suppse the past is okay and what matters is now. My friend told me Gene he said theres comes a point where youve been respoible for yourself (18 years) longer than anyone else has been resposnbile (parents) for you. That has given me a lot of courage to live as I am now and move forward. And who I am today is not anones fault or a creation of my childhood. Hopefully its a creation of GOD's work. Anyhow if I've passed on please live free bro. I love you as my brother. If theres anything youd want or want ot be involved in well right now I have a man that I hope to keep and I love and trust him so my will would be thru him but I would want you welcome to have inputs. If I saw you today or even remotlely connectted I would want to share and catch up on remebring things and I would want ot hear about your wife your freinds and hows jack today and I want to know how my other brothers are. I also want to talk openly truthfully. Speaking of which I am sorry if I hurt you for accusations against dads son. honelty I rember being told what happened and I rember saying what happened but I'm still uncertian to this day what did or didnt happen to me. In life I turned out to be quite a liar from soo young so you probally know that I havent always been straight forward or coped well. Havnt been level headed. Many times I lied bc of fear of the truth or its conquences or fear of anticatping a situation and sometimes maybe I was bored I dont know. I'm sorry for taking up years of your life with well the hassel and ordeal where I required much of the family time and attention with issue after issue true or false. I have no real exsplation. Thinking of everything just is overwhelming and I feel desperate and guilty . Right now to this day thou I have no way that I know of to make things right and I cant give you back time and realtionships and whatever else I have exhausted out of you. I'm sorry. I do still text our sister on and off and maybe she can clue you in on things that maybe you need or want to know tht you never got directly from me. I hope you continue to live a strong productive honest free life and remain solid and stern in what is right and wrong.
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