Jenni's Diary
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2021-08-17 14:56:22 (UTC)

I feel like a failure at work

It's my first day back at my old job and I already feel like I am behind and failing at my job. It's like I know what to do but the words don't come out right and I feel like vomiting. I feel like I am on edge and disappointing others. I feel like I am not at my best with work today. I haven't been at my job in a while so I am lagging a bit. The reason I have this job is to get money and see my friends. Is this imposter syndrome? I feel like I can't do my job right. I don't why I even came back here. This department isn't one with a heart of gold compared to the other departments. If you show one sign of weakness, it'll backfire on you. I don't want to get fired or disappoint anyone. I don't like confrontation at all. I hate myself for being this way. I know I can do the job and I know the information, it's just knowing what to say and how to comprehend that to the caller is what I need to work on. My anxiety is on a high even though I took my medication this morning.

Update (9/15/21): I still feel like a failure and not good enough at my job. I know I can do the job. I don't feel recognized or appreciated there. It's a nice job to have to pass the time and make a decent amount of money but I don't want to be there forever. I am such a failure. I am such a failure. I don't think I am improving at all. I wish people can see that I am trying so hard.