Karma Rose

My Secret Thoughts
2021-08-15 00:40:00 (UTC)

Dark Abyss

Dear stranger,

There are people at this very moment being told that they only have a few months to live due to an incurable illness. What do you think is running through their heads? Ever since my first/last freakout, I'd think about the different ways of having another freakout- I get this urge to follow through with it and only once did I follow through with that urge. It's from my last post, which at this moment has already been deleted. No one needs to read an incomplete post- the day I wrote it is not the same day that I submitted it and I remember not even proofreading it or picking up where I left off. I'm not even going to bother reading it now- I don't need to know what that version of myself portrayed myself to be in that freakout. Anyways, back to the sick people. If I were told that I only had a few months to live, I would be thinking "great, the perfect excuse to leave this world". Pft. Then, of course, like any sane person, I would be more than half thinking about how fucked I am. I don't know why, maybe it's all the work I have to do and what a drag life can really be that makes me want to just be gone. I'd lay in my bed and think, "Man, wouldn't it be nice to just stop it all here. To not be here anymore. To not feel anymore. To not experience anymore. I don't know what happens after a person dies- for all I know, they are set in a dark abyss where nothing happens- no thinking/feeling/experiencing. It beats being here." I don't even feel sad when I think it. And I don't even think of all the abuse I went through when I think it. I'm even thinking it now- how nice it would be.

It stops here. I stop here. Haha, no it doesn't. There's too many dramas and mangas for me to read. I should just hustle my way through life, so I can retire in peace and reach my dark abyss the way others want me to. I'm a joke. I need to stop being such a punk. Well, that's all for today.

From yours truly,
Karma Rose

P.S. What thoughts would be running through your head if you were told you only had a few weeks/months to live?
This is the song for this post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFMbfmQnrBw
This song is from the most recent drama I watched. It's called "Lookism"- very good- I very much recommend it. I wish there were more asian dramas that featured "ugly/fat" individuals as the lead. Also, I'm on another diet- wish me luck.
ALSO, I wasn't able to post on here since I was in Mexico- I'm back home now so I'm now able to post more frequently. Just thought ya'll should know that. I also finished my summer classes- woot woot! Now I just have to worry about my internship.




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